sojourn

I like chocolate

2006-01-20T10:28:00.000+11:00

Well, it's been a while and I've been busy!

I had my Death by Chocolate day finally

There was too much chocolate and not enough people, so I have a huge amount left over and I'm struggling to eat it. I had one chocolate bowl and I lost interest in the chocolate, which is what I found most disheartening about the entire day! Bek and I did make some very nice chocolate cocktails however!

I've also been baking some nice dinners- had my first roast ever. A roast chicken! I'll try to upload the photo soon- it looked and tasted really really great!

I've been offsite at work on a new project and it's funny how in Sydney, even the different areas you work in are quite distinct. Up near the financial sector near Wynyard, everything is just that little bit more posh. People dress better, look better, even maybe work better! It seems a lot more professional, but also friendly. I'm enjoying myself, but am looking forward to getting back to my work computers, my desk and the internet! I miss all my little odds and sods and the fridge and my mugs of tea at this new place, as well as all my normal work mate friends, but it's been challenging and interesting work-wise, so I'm happy. I've been pulling over 8 hour work days however, and it gets a bit tiring.

Just a short post today, cos I have to make it back to the offsite place now!

I like.. uh... you

2005-12-28T12:51:00.000+11:00

This post should be titled more appropriately with "I dislike cars", but tradition and order and themes are very important to me, so I shall endeavour to stick with said tradition of "I like x" (where x = something).

Ok... so why do I dislike cars you may ask, well it's simple- I am in need of buying a new one and I have to make multiple decisions such as:

new or second hand?
model and make?
colour (most important!)
when?
how?
money- most likely will have to borrow money off my parents

There are many considerations, and I'll have to do the researching. Why is it that I can happily research for days at end for silly little things (today I was reading the history of the jedi and sith), but when it comes to something that's relatively important and that will actually impact my day-to-day living, it's too big and I'd rather pay someone else to do all the grunt work?

Laziness I suppose.

So I've got to buy a car since my one is worse for wear. I'm not going to do a trade in with it, so whichever car I buy, it's going to be paid for outright. I've already decided that I'm going to have to bite the bullet and borrow money from the parents, which'll put a strain on my income, but not as much as the bank would! I could even set up an automatic transfer every week of $100 or so to pay it back, which means it should only take me about 2 years to pay dad off if I borrow $10K. Ok, so money-wise I'm covered (if I add in all my savings that is). If I buy a new car, or any sort of decent car, I'll be getting comprehensive insurance, which I'm hoping will be slightly less ridiculously priced now that I'm 25. So... do I buy a new car? I'm leaning towards 'yes' if there is a good year-end run out deal. The car I'm currently thinking of is a Hyundai Accent (since I love my Excel) and the colour needs to be blue. I've looked online briefly, and an auto 5-door Accent will cost me at least $16K which is too much (unless I borrow more). But... I'm hoping my dad would be able to bargain them down to something reasonable. Surely there will be some sort of year end deals like $14,990 and no more to pay! (except that's probably for manual, which I suppose I could get used to driving... but I refuse to get 3 door- they're so inconvenient!)

I had a very nice family Christmas. The entire NSW immediate family all gathered at my parents place on Sunday. We played cricket, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Trivial Pursuit: Star Wars, chatted, and most importantly, goo-gahed over the twins, who are the cutest little munchkins around! Jackson sat around banging on chairs and everything else- he didn't need to have his oxygen on which was great as well- made passing him around from person to person a lot easier ;-) Luca was running around everywhere, and especially liked being outside playing cricket with the boys. She took an immediate dislike to George however, and refused to go anywhere near him. She would often be smiling and laughing whilst playing, and would suddenly stop and look at G cautiously. It was quite amusing, but frustrating for G I'm sure! It's funny how kids can do that. I remember Amanda (my little cousin) would cry going anywhere near Joel, even though she'd be happy to point him out in photos and from a distance, she just seemed to be awe-struck when near him. So it was a lovely day.

Boxing day was spent with Angus and the best moment was sitting in the park at Burwood with the breeze and the sun, just relaxing. We also went to G and Bek's and saw the end of Lost, which was frustrating. So now I need to see Season 2! I also need more Season 2 4400 episodes since I've finished them all!

And now I'm off to lunch cos I'm hungry. It's so hot here today, even in my airconditioned office, that I'm worried what the weather outside is like. I would brave the crowds at Myer if it wasn't so hot, for I need to purchase a few things, but crowds, heat and sore foot make Michelle go something something ;-)

I like druids

2005-12-22T11:26:00.000+11:00

Only a few more sleeps until Christmas! I'm not really as excited about it all as the exclamation marks would suggest however. This year, it just doesn't feel like Christmas at all.

I had a great session last night on WoW. Brond and his new Troll friend Arslan did an instance run of Ragefire Chasm that rocked. Brond got to get up close and personal with all the mobs in his bear form, although he would've preferred the cat form. The party mix was actually pretty good- druid in bear form as MT, Hunter for pulling and pet being next tank, Warlock for pulling as well as some spells, mage for DPS and a Priest to keep us all healthy. After our run, Brond and Arslan grinded for 60 quillboar tusks each, so in the end I think we ended up killing roughly 100 quillboar. If only I could skin em, I would've been in heaven! I'm slowly getting through all my Barrens quests and then have to decide if I go to Stonetalon Mountains, Ashenvale, Thousand Needles or make the zeppelin trip to the other continent. One thing is for certain though- I appreciate my bear form a lot more after last night, and I really love my cat form... after being a slow hitting, low DPS Priest, cat form rips through those kills like nothing else!

Kimbel from work has two sons that are very keen on WoW and he bought one of them the WoW world map coffee book which looks so great that I'm going to get one for myself, as well as buy it for Boy (on behalf of my parents). I'm doing that today and I'm really looking forward to opening up the book at work ;-)

My foot, was getting better... after my 2 days off (where I didn't do anything much but play WoW, watch all the tv series' that my brother had given me and start a jigsaw), my foot was feeling a lot better. But Wednesday I went for a 30 minute walk at lunch to pick up some things, and now it's back to hurting a lot. Not very happy, but hoping that over the Christmas break, it'll calm down again.

What else...? Nothing much has been happening lately. I'm really back into WoW and it's a lot of fun. I did some hard thinking about my life in general over the 2 days I had off as well and now I've just got to be good at keeping those resolutions. Call them new year resolutions if you will, and I'm hoping that I can pull them off and make myself a stronger individual.

I like candy canes

2005-12-15T13:03:00.000+11:00

It's funny, but I really really do like candy canes. It's what I almost look forward to most at Christmas. We had my work Kris Kringle today, I got a really nice large scented candle. I got my KK mini bottles of liquers- baileys, bacardi, bundi and midori. They were really cute, and I know the guy really liked them. Let's hope he shares them with me! ;-)

I'm a bit annoyed with mehfew atm cos he's levelling so much more than me and he has heaps more time to play! I'm never going to be able to play steadily Brond AND Danae as I hardly have time to play either of them! Think of the rest XP! Think of the rest XP!!

Well.. that's really all I had to say. I really like candy canes- especially the large paduke poles... yum! They have to be mint candy canes though- not so crash hot on the other flavoured candy canes.

I like nights at home

2005-12-14T11:15:00.000+11:00

Every night this week is booked up with something. I suppose it's a good thing, but all I want to do is eat the food I cooked on the weekend and sit and watch either Lost or play WoW. Alonzo will be worried what has happened to his buddy Brond! I try to think of the rest XP to cheer me, but I would like to play it more!

I've also been progressively getting tired-er cos I keep doing lots of things and then tumble into bed to get up in the morning to do all the things I meant to do the night before before tumbling into bed but I was too tired. (that's gotta be worthy of the worst sentences)

My sister enrolled the family into auditioning for Family Feud, which is held at Drummoyne this Saturday afternoon. I don't particularly want to go, but it seems the rest of the family is excited about it. I'm not sure how I'll be getting there- I might brave public transport- because I smashed my car and although it's still driveable, I really don't want to drive it around anymore :(

Good news however is that I have next Monday and Tuesday off! I don't think I'll be going away like I originally wanted, but I'm planning on putting my foot up (still quite sore) and doing nothing much.

Then it's Christmas! I can't believe how quickly it has come around this year! I feel like I'm unprepared, even though I've had all my presents bought for a few weeks now. Lots of things to do over the Christmas holidays, although I only have the public holidays off work, otherwise I'm working through.

I like Serenity

2005-12-07T14:51:00.000+11:00

Dammit! I'm going to call it Firefly!

We started a new RPG campaign based on Serenity.

I'm posting my character description here:

Jhiki came from a wealthy family and went to top notch schools in a core planet. At an early age she felt drawn to being creative. It started with her brother's mecho (ie mechanical lego) set which she quickly adapted and created a walking, talking thesaurous raptor robot which would follow her brother and list synonyms to every word he said with a length equal to or greater than 4. She would also adapt and change all the household appliances which drove her parents mad so they tried to channel her creativity into more benign ways, ie painting. She enjoys painting, although when she moved out on her own, she took up metalworking and prefers that.

A natural linguist, she does not know any language extremely well, but has enough smattering of most languages to get by in most situations. It came in handy when she started hanging with the "in" crowd. After a few years of living easy off her parent's money and her paintings and metal art, she made an enemy. Jhiki refuses to talk about how and why, it is the only subject that she won't chat away for hours on and can become quite touchy. The enemy was powerful and within her set. It was becoming increasingly awkward for Jhiki to remain on this planet, or any central planet. After a failed attempt to blow up her art exhibition and after successfully destroying her apartment, Jhiki knew she couldn't stay. A friend offered to give her some money to transport out of the core planets and set up on a different planet and assume a new identity and live comfortably. Jhiki had different ideas. She didn't want to rust away on a frontier planet, especially as they wouldn't pay top dollar for her artworks, and may not even be interested in them. Walking around a dock one day, she fell in love with a ship and finding out that there were buyers needed, used all her money up in becoming a quarter partner in the Mosquito.

Her deadly enemy and her closest friends don't know of her purchase, nor where she is now. Most wouldn't consider that she travels on a spaceship as she's always had a terror of deep space since she was 9 (haha sorry couldn't help it!).

Jhiki likes working on board the ship, and found that her creative urges can be fulfilled by repairing and maintaining the ship as well as all the technical mechanical objects. She's since become a wizz at electronics and altering/creating technical objects. Feeling an integral member of the crew, Jhiki can say that she could live out the rest of her days aboard... as long as the portholes are covered. She still produces the odd artwork in painting or metal, and is learning a bit of medicine from the good doctor, so life is good.

I'm continuing to enjoy the RPG sessions. The people even came to my place last night as I have hurt my foot and couldn't walk very well. Stairs are a killer. Basically, I took a day off work to pick up Khanh from the airport (yay! K's back!!), but I also had my basketball grand final on that day, so Khanh very nicely agreed to come watch the game. It was probably the best game we've played- both teams were basically on par with each other, and it showed as at the end of full time, it was 15 all. A very low scoring game due to some great defense, lots of fouls and both teams sucking at actually getting the ball through the hoop. In extra time, however we managed to get 5 points whilst the other team scored nothing! We were very much elated! I got elbowed in the back of my neck as I was standing around the hoop trying to grab the ball from the other side, and my foot (arch) was kinda sore. I had a nice cool shower and Khanh and I headed off to meet Ian and have some lunch. The foot felt progressively sorer and by the time we got back to my place, I was limping slightly. The next day I could hardly walk and at work it started to ache and throb even though I had it up and I had put heat on it in the morning and tried to stretch it out.

So I decided to go see a doctor as knowing me, I could've slightly fractured it. Well! Dr. Dodgey lived up to his name and didn't even want to look at the foot, let alone touch it. It took four attempts at telling him that I was limping quite badly for him to even appear to believe me. Diagnosis: superficial strain, rub voltaren on it. I could've prescribed that myself! Annoyed with him and my foot, I went home, had a soak, put my foot up and played WoW with Matt who was also suspiciously "sick" at home from work... until the guys came for our RPG night!

As Rose from Buzz! would say "Lovely".

I like my shoes

2005-12-01T12:09:00.000+11:00

I now have three pairs of shoes sitting underneath my desk at work. I generally wear my slips or joggers to work and then change into nicer shoes that I struggle to wear walking around all day. I wish I could wear nice shoes without my feet complaining, so this is the best compromise. I bought a pair of pointy shoes a month ago. They look a lot nicer than my usual sorts of shoes, but I still can't get used to the excessively long pointy bits.

I started a new character on WoW the other day. A Tauren called Brond. He's a druid and currently level 13. He likes to kill animals and skin them and turn their hides into nice clothes that he can wear or sell and make money from. Brond likes to moo an would like to one day lead a guild called "mooers". His best friend is a fellow Tauren called Alonzo who likes to hunt and skin, but doesn't turn any of the skins into good clothing and he can't understand that.

One day the two friends found a fierce and unique cat in the forrest that Brond thought would make a good set of bracers, but Alonzo wanted him for a pet. Ever the obliging Tauren, Brond healed Alonzo while he and his pet were becoming acquainted. Luckily the pet couldn't sense Brond's desire to rip the skin from his back and befriended Alonzo who then asked Brond for meat to feed his new pet. Brond sometimes feels that he is a bit too honourable and obliging. After all, how can he become a famous cook if he has to give his meat away? Brond offered the fish he caught the other day, but Alonzo's new pet doesn't like fish. Fish are plentiful, but a nice steak of cougar or wolf is very hard to find. The slow mind of Brond was soon happily diverted as the friends continued running errands for the Tribal Elders and proving their worth to their clan and kin.

The next day as Brond was getting rid of some bothersome harpies, he stumbled across a wild dog called Ghost Hound. He thought his friend Alonzo might like to have kept him for a pet, and so was sorry that he wasn't around and Brond had to kill him. Being preoccupied with the harpies at the same time, he even forgot to skin the animal before it had decomposed. Brond sometimes day dreams about what sort of fine leather that special animal would have made. Perhaps some leather for the new vest pattern he learnt from his Master the other day?

Now Brond has matured and started venturing into other surrounding lands. He met his first Orc the other day. They are ugly. Brond is glad he decided not to be an Orc. Female Orcs would be worse. Brond wonders how baby Orcs are born because female Orcs are so ugly. Perhaps it is dark in Orcland? Brond is happy that his new vest fits snuggly over his ample furry chest. He has to hunt tonight for some more plainstrider beaks as they are becoming a nuisance and too populous. Obviously the female plainstriders are more handsome than female Orcs, although Brond can't tell the difference between the males and females and happily kills and skins them both alike.

:)

I played Danae last night and it was a nice change to be able to kill quite a few things with more than just 2 spells... instead I used 5 :P Now that I bought her a new staff, she hits so much better- she critically hit for 250 last night, which is a LOT for a Priest! A spell did a crit of nearly 800 which is also quite good for me. I joined a party in ZF that was kinda tiresome. It was obvious that some people were new to the whole partying and instance business. They got Danae killed!! You never let the Priest die! So being a bit miffed with them, and Nebilim making a surprise online appearance, she left them. Funnily enough, some of the other party members couldn't understand why the leader was saying that they had to leave the instance now. He had to explain why they wouldn't survive without a healer. Children!

In normal news, G and Bek are coming over for dinner tomorrow and I don't know what to make! I'm kinda tempted to order yummy pizzas but we're probably having pizza tonight at role playing and he had pizza the other night as well. So back to the drawing board!

Bek and I are going to host a "Death by Chocolate" open house day at my place. We're going to be making everything chocolate and invite people and they can turn up and stay and eat as much as they want. We're thinking of playing movies like Charlie and the Chocolate factory (old one) and Chocolat in the background for fun as well.

I like to whinge and complain

2005-11-18T16:14:00.000+11:00

I had a really great PnP WoD session (Pen and Paper, World of Darkness) last night. (Where's the update post Jman!?!) I was so utterly drained after a week of awfullness, where everything was going badly and I physically felt awful. I almost didn't go, but I'm really glad I did! My car broke down last weekend after I had paid to get my brakes fixed, so I wasn't very happy. Grumpy still wants to be removed from the car as he no longer feels safe in it. Yesterday I got it back and had to pay the guy, and realised I didn't have enough cash as it was the last day before pay day and I had only a few hundred in the bank. But the mechanic was really nice and let me pay most of it by credit card. He wants to take me shopping for a new car when I decide to get one so he can check it out for me.

So last night, as I was driving home from Chris' singing Linkin Park, I was feeling a lot better. This morning, I woke up with a bit of energy and tried dressing up a bit (for me a skirt is dressing up) cos I wanted to look nice for Ian's birthday drinks tonight. I got to the station, missed the express, had a weird encounted with 2 separate people asking me practically the same question and then a guy fell off the platform!! I used to have nightmares about falling off the platform, cos I don't think I'd be able to get back up! I would sometimes walk close by and envisage myself falling off, and this guy did! I'm not sure how (I was doing a crossword), but he must've fainted or overbalanced or something. He was conscious, but still hadn't gotten up off the floor when the train came, and I got on. I was feeling pretty much in shock just seeing it happen. I can only imagine how he felt :(

Anyway, as my financial situation is deteriorating due to me spending more than I should, rent, a big tax pay back to the govt, still paying for largish things for the apartment, etc, I've been spending some time thinking about getting a flatmate. I think my place would be a bit pokey with 2 people in it, especially since I've got heaps of stuff already in it and I like it my way. Also where do I put the computer?! But I really would like to start saving a bit of money and not frantically worrying about whether I'll make it to the end of the month with money. It would probably be better if I got paid fortnightly, but well, I have to adjust. The alternative is moving back home, but it's too painful to contemplate. My family lives simply too far away and I don't want to spend 3 or more hours a day in transit. I did get a pay rise... of 3.5% which means in the hand, I probably get my weekly train ticket extra. It's not enough, so I'm going to really try cutting down on what I spend and forcing myself to spend the bare minimum for a few months (so hard with Christmas and NY coming up!).

I haven't seen a movie in a while (besides P&P3.. but let's not go there!) and I have heaps of movie money, so I'm hoping to go catch a movie sometime this weekend or next week.

On Saturday, I go home to help my mum with a fete. She's in charge of all the second hand goods- books, clothes and odds and ends. I'm on the books/movies stall. It should be fun. On Sunday, the youth group guys are coming over for lunch, so I really need to do a nice big clean of my apartment!

So I'm going to check now if I can publish at work, since every other time I've recently tried, it won't work :(

Slightly piqued

2005-08-12T12:46:00.000+10:00

I've tried posting something for a while now... it doesn't seem to work.

Test 2

Missing in action

2005-05-27T17:51:00.000+10:00

I haven't really had much to write in the last few weeks, or months. Every time I think I should post in my blog, I don't really know what to write. Does this mean the end of the sojourn blog? Not entirely sure.

This time next week I'll be flying over Australia on my way to Italy. It's very exciting and quite nerve-wracking. I've never been on an international flight. Everyone has their 5c to put in about all sorts of things regarding overseas travel and holidays in general, it's quite fun.

Work has been very busy, especially doing support every second week. My bank balance is enjoying it (well not after all my money is spent on my holiday), but I'm starting to get very tired again. I've also been training up a new guy at work which has been very frustrating because I'm so busy doing my own day-to-day things, which is compounded by the fact that everyone wants their stuff fixed up and finalised before I go on leave, so I'm finding it hard to juggle. Incidentally, the new guy is from my old work NTF. He started working at NTF a bit after I left and we met occassionally when I went back to NTF for some contracting work. Very envious that he lives in the city! Takes him 5mins to get home!

I'm planning to post up updates on my travels every few days as well as the occasional photo, so next Sunday or so, have a look for some possible action in this blog.

Until then, however, that's all :)

Lack of WoW

2005-04-11T15:47:00.000+10:00

As my good hunter friend Luke mentioned, I've stopped posting about WoW. I've stopped posting as well, and I've even stopped playing WoW for the last THREE days! :P The reason is simple: I've been so darned drained and tired that I get home and sit at the computer, trying to whip up enthusiasm for levelling to 40 (which would be FANTASTIC), but fail to, so I turn off the computer and go to bed. Even though I've been getting more than 7 hours sleep a night, I've still be very tired and sleepy.

So happy it's Friday and I'm sleeping in tomorrow, and hopefully making level 40 in WoW!

So what have I been up to? To give you a whirlwind highlight tour...

Last night was the Fujitsu new financial year kick-off "party". There was a 2 hour presentation (we Fujitsu-Asteron people turned up late fortunately) then free food and drink. It was at the Kirribili Club which had gorgeous views of the Harbour. I also scored 5 promotional squishy balls, which were the highlight of the evening, and I've been throwing them at work people all day. Matt (work Matt) hit me right on the nose :( Boys throw so much harder than girls! Not fair!

I've also been running out of money because I've paid for my holiday in full! Now I just have to save up for spending money!! I'm flying out of Sydney on Friday 3rd June (yes less than 2 months!!! :D) and flying into Rome on the 4th of June to start my 13 day tour around Italy (with a brief day visit to Lugano in Switzerland). I then have another night in Rome by myself before flying to London to visit the Queen (or Khanh really :P). From there, I'm not sure what's happening, but K's promised it will be filled with EXCITEMENT and FAMOUS PEOPLE! ;-) I will also get to pay my homage to Pemberley (well the place that was used as the exterior to Pemberley in the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, otherwise referred to as P&P2). So we might go visit for a few days the countryside of England, or go to Spain or go to Ireland, Scotland or Wales or Belgium or somewhere, anywhere! IT WILL BE GREAT! :)

I really need to start figuring out what I will pack and how it will be packed (ie I need to borrow someone's travel back pack), whether I need needles and other medicine for catching unknown diseases, traveller's cheques, euros and pounds and whatnot. All very exciting, and needing to be done within the next 2 months.

Some things haven't changed- I'm still having weird and wonderful dreams. Last nights dreams were about G and Bek and they were weird but not wonderful! In one, G was getting attacked by a robot with a hammer whose purpose was to help test people's night vision (yeah, I told you it was weird). And poor Bek was (fatally) bitten by a shark- a bull shark to be precise. Please Bek don't go anywhere near a beach before your wedding. I woke up sobbing!

I met up with Yuki the other day as well. She's enjoying her new job, and who wouldn't when they have to go to Belgium (or Holland or somewhere like that) for 1 weeks' training! Doesn't really seem worth it if you're only going for 1 week! :P She bought lots of whacky Japanese PS2 games which she has promised to play with me sometime soon.

My grandma has been sent to hospital because she is not eating. I don't know all the details, Dad just casually mentioned it over breakfast this morning!!!! I really am always the last one to know about stuff, even though I still live at home. So she's not in a good state :( I was going to visit this Sunday and show them all the latest photos of Jackson and Luca. I hope the nurses can talk some sense and get some food into her. She's become so stick-like over the past 10 years.

G and Bek found a place for their reception and Bek has ordered her wedding dress! Very exciting. She has also changed the colour of the Bridesmaids dresses to dark red. Never really worn a lot of red, but I'm looking forward to dressing up. Speaking about dressing up, I tried to this morning: my aim was the dressy jean look, and it failed utterly. Everything I put on looked awful on me and/or was too hot or too cold. Basically I was grumpy and couldn't decide on anything so I went to work daggy (but comfortable!) and got in quite late! Now I'm struggling to stay awake, and I think we're back to the beginning of the post in theme which is a sure sign to stop :P

Too funny

2005-03-30T15:17:00.000+10:00

A guy at work recently came back from overseas and brought some DVDs back. They had been translated into English. See if you can guess the movie from the blurb at the back (I'll write it exactly as it's written, so the spelling mistakes aren't mine)!

"In a bright and charming spring, the beauty of the girl was spread to
the emperor. He appointed his Minister to fetch the figure of the girl
and wanted to marry her as his imperial concubine. Whe the news was
sent back to the down, they all were surprised of and dropped into
deep worry and anxiety. The days wiving the girl was getting shorter
and shorter. At the night before the emperor's official coming, the
girl wanted to kill herself to against the bossy emperor. At the time
the girl would stab her chest, the man named yanggang came in and
stopped her."

Sounds a bit raunchy for Walt Disney's Mulan 2!

The other one describes Robots:

"Hollywood the latest dint in utility room in blue sky made, this slice of applications light source application software, createComplete machine Kingdom built by metals.The story describes the country roboto primarily, own the inventor from the brains of gold that recognize, the determination goes to the big city pays a courtesy call on the business enterprise the chief executive officer,Rush the new world in life. Topic aruond risky with invent, still have upper-class woman's machine The person's love ..."

I just thought that was too good to waste, so had to post it up!

Umbrellas

2005-03-23T21:36:00.000+11:00

Something happened today on the way home to TH station that just made me think that perhaps humanity isn't completely doomed. There was a woman at the lights with no umbrella, and along came another woman with one of those large umbrellas that I always want to get but never end up getting because they're too big and I'd rather fold a dinky little one up and shove it in my bag than carry around a dripping long one that pokes people walking up the stairs behind you (don't start me on one woman today at WF station!!). But all that's besides the point (and is worthy of that literary competition for worst opening sentences :P). Basically this other woman shared her umbrella with the umbrella-less woman. I thought that was really nice and decent of her. Kinda gave me a glow and reminded me about my blog which I've been slack updating!

What else has been happening? Lots of things, but then again, not much. WoW is going strong- level 35 now :D I was fishing for some oily blackmouths for Matt's character (ooh and I caught some firefins which Boy was telling me sold really well at the AH! Can you use them matt? Can you make fire oil from them? I need that for an enchantment!). The update this morning took 2 hours to download! But the new features are quite cool :) The underwater effect is pretty :) I got massive loot lag tonight though so logged off and J and I have been trying to log back in. Should I? Or should I just watch BSG snuggled up in bed? :P I might just log in and send off the blackmouths to Neb.

Umm.. BSG has started. I love this episode! :) I think I might stop here and try to remember whatever else is going on in my head lately and post it another time :)

Sonnet 116

2005-03-14T14:19:00.000+11:00

I finally remembered to find out the number of a Shakespeare sonnet that I really like. I first heard it in the Emma Thompson's version of Sense and Sensibility. It goes as follows:

Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

I had a busy but wonderful weekend. Friday night was spent at dinner with Gaby, Mark and Cally where we bumped into G, Bek and Eric at Asuka. Phil also made a brief, bearded appearance before we had to collect our tickets. The play was a lot better than I imagined it would be. There was one dress however that nearly blinded me! After driving Mark home and keeping him up even longer than he wanted to be by chatting non-stop to him, I got home around 2am to wake up in panic at 7:40am that I was running late for work. Thankfully it was Saturday, but I had to get up anyway because I was driving into the city to meet the dwiggies.

Parramatta Rd had been blocked off so my decision to get to the city via Frederick St. was ill-timed and it took me quite a bit longer to make it into the city. Nevertheless, we met up at the ABC shop where I saw nothing that took my fancy, and ended up coming out with the complete Forsyte Saga (the old version). SEVEN DVDs!! We then went to a nice cafe in the QVB and tried Max Brenner's suckao which was absolutely fabulous! I also got some pancakes for breakfast. Watching Bride and Prejudice for a second time was even better than the first, especially with such a great group to watch it with. I could hear Erin and Tanya's (in particular) muttered "no's!" and gasps and laughter throughout the entire movie. I definitely have to take mum to see it!

We then went to the music shop underneath the cinemas where I proceeded to buy yet another thing I wasn't looking for: The Collected Best (or something like that) of Stabbing Westward. I cannot for the life of me find Darkest Days, but it was the next best thing. A little while later saw me singing my head off as I drove home (via Parramatta and Liverpool Rd this time, not the Anzac Bridge).

Once home, I spent way too much time playing WoW but everyone seemed to be online (except for the higher levels who were all at Flood's bucks day) and Matt and I grinded our way through quite a few quests, and for me, 2 levels.

Sunday was spent driving down to visit my brother's family. I found their house ok, after being worried that I'd miss a turn and get lost. The twins are delightful and looking a bit older and bigger since last month. We took them out to the beach which was lovely and had "the best fish and chips ever" (as quoted from Peta). The fish and chips WERE nice, although I don't think the BEST. They were also nicer due to the fact that it had been such a long time since I'd had fish and chips from a take away shop. I had another nice catch up chat with Peta as we drove the twins home (Mat and Maryann were in Mat's car). I then played some more with the twins until Maryann and I had to leave to get home. Well... that was a bit harder than getting there, and yes I know all I had to do was the reverse of what I did driving there. Easier said than done! I missed my turn, but eventually made it back onto the Southern Highway (mount Ousley) and then onto Picton Rd. I was a bit buggered after that, and so decided (unwisely) a little WoW would be just the thing. After a few hours, I tore myself away and went to sleep.

And here I am at work. I'm feeling quite tired and exhausted with lots of thinking and WoWing and driving and everything. I also bought some perfume! First time ever! It smells so wonderful though! :) I'm thinking of not WoWing tonight and having an early one. But... we'll see! I gotta keep myself ahead of Matt! :)

On Support

2005-03-07T06:34:00.000+11:00

It's support week again for me this week, hence why I'm posting so early. 2 things went wrong this morning, both have been fixed, so I'm just sitting around waiting for the machines to run to a certain point before going into work. I'm not as tired as I thought I would be, having stayed up later than I wanted to in order to watch a video with Maryann. It was her birthday on Saturday and we had a small family gathering. I showed G and Bek WoW and Bek made a character Keb.

I've actually played with some of the guild members a bit more which is nice. Matt and I also finished a few quests off before he had to run away to a wedding. In the game I bought a pattern for a wedding dress! It requires double my skill atm (250), but I'm working on getting there. I spent a lot of time soloing and tidying up a few odds and ends. I also went up a few levels and got some new spells. It's a very pretty game, and the music in Stormwind I like especially. I completed a lot of the Wetlands area. The fen creepers took me a while however purely because they're hard to find.

I've decided to wear my favourite top to work today. It's always a dilemma when to wear it because I really can only wear it once a week. But I feel like wearing it today. I bought a ring when I was buying earrings for my sister for her birthday. It was 50% off (and cheap stuff to begin with), but it's very nice. It's another silver + white mother of pearl and it's very pretty.

Ugh. There's another problem with the computers... I'd better go and fix it.

Bride and Prejudice

2005-02-26T23:37:00.000+11:00

I saw it today with Maryann and I quite enjoyed it. Wasn't entirely what I was expecting, but I still thought it was done quite well. There are a few very pretty women in it too. *sigh*

WoW is going well, although we had a big crash today. Me and this rag-tag team that I put together of strangers finally got right to the end of this really long (and hard) quest (Van Cleef), and then I think the server must've crashed and I can't get back in. I really hope not for good, or that my character hasn't been corrupted. Grr. I suppose in the long run it's good- I really should get to bed :P

Here is a shot of me flying a griffon to Lakeshire.

I need a haircut and I also need to fix my car :(

Where am I?

2005-02-15T14:26:00.000+11:00

You may well ask that, but the reality is, I'm here

Matt and I've been playing WoW and it's wonderful- it's taken over my life and it's such a nice thing to come home to! If you ever wanted to try it, I highly recommend doing so, and if you do, let me know your nickname and we can go adventuring together! :) I'm a tailor and enchanter for my trades and I love them! I'm getting a bit better at fishing, but I think yuii with surpass us all with her l33t clicking ability.

Hurry up and get home bunny!!

In other news, I saw 3 new packets of tim tams on sale today- they looked quite interesting. There was a truffle, a chilli chocolate and a black forest (I think?) variety out. It's a pity it's lent and I won't be able to have them. I've still got half a pack of tim tams from ages ago in the fridge. I bought a mango instead. It was yum!

I'm also doing support at work and it's quite tiring, but not too bad- gives me something else to do and think about during the day. I bumped into Mikey today- he's auditing my company. Heh :P I also got a new PC to replace one of my work machines. It's nice and black!

Anyways, back to work. I don't think I'll be posting nearly as regularly as I used to!

Not Enough

2005-02-08T19:32:00.000+11:00

I went swimming with Boy that Saturday and got the worst cramp ever- I was halfway up the pool doing my laps when it hit and it was a struggle to get to shallow enough water. I didn't even manage to make my half km. On Monday I managed finally to get to an aqua class and it was great. I just wish they did it in the outside pool, not the inside ones.

I've been listening to Flaw's Endangered Species in the car since I got it (I'll change it soon) and there are so many songs that I love singing to. This is my pick for tonight:

Flaw - Not Enough
Wake up your life
You may never get the chance to make things right
Rather than lie
Take a moment to reflect on what's gone by
It's a mistake
There's no reason I should be so full of guilt
Significant break
So you severed all the ties that we have built

All I know, even though
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough
Didn't think about the rest of me
That it was not enough
Tried my hardest with the best of me
But it was not enough
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough

All mixed up inside
And it's easy to forget what we should be
It's useless to hide
I can see to the heart of your insecurity
All of this time
Blaming others for the cause of what we've lost
Nothing sublime
I must overcome no matter what the cost

[Chorus x1]

Please give back what s not yours to have
It's the only thing that I've got left
Never was enough to satisfy
And I'm left empty

[Chorus x1]

Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough
Didn't think about the rest of me
That it was not enough
Tried my hardest with the best of me
But it was not enough

It was a big toss up between a few of them including Medicate, Endangered Species, Recognize, Not Enough and Decide.

Not much else happening lately. I had a great FOH the other night. Looking forward to Bunny getting back. I start my first week of Support on Friday- don't know what I'm going to do about Monday's youth group meeting with me having to support. I'm not hugely worried though- something will happen to help me out if I need it. Wasn't it really hot today? Too hot to brave the pools this afternoon, plus I needed to get home to look after the kids. Mum's gone down to look after Luca while Jackson's in hospital finally having his hernia removed. Poor little tyke. I hope everything goes well.

Things that really irritate me on the train:

people who don't turn the sounds off their phone and so every keystroke it beeps- quite loudly sometimes too

leaking headphones- if you want to listen to your music, by all means, just don't force it on to the rest of the carriage

finishing your book and not having anything to do (or having a really boring book)

She's still got it!

2005-02-05T16:21:00.000+11:00

I just played about 3 hours of Dancing Stage. Firstly I did about 45 mins of the workout mode cos I just wanted to do some exercise and I hadn't played DDR for so long. Then I thought I'd give the Endless mode a go cos I was really enjoying it. I went through Endless (on standard) twice before crashing out on Max 300 for the 2nd time cos I was just too tired. The final score was:

Score: 522,147,429
Stage: 56
Combo: 694

My combos weren't too good, although admittedly I past 500 combos about 4 times and then would do a stupid move or the mat didn't respond properly! hehe blame the mat!

So now that I'm thoroughly hot and sweaty, I'm off to the pools for a swim!

I also finished watching The Office season 1 and it was great! I think next pay, I'll splurge on The Office: Complete. That or the 4400 which actually came out with a series- G and I saw it at JB HiFi the other day. Unfortunately with my savings rate what it is, I can only afford to splurge on one thing a month (ie spend about $200 on something and that's it). Everything else is pumped into bills or savings. I hope I get a pay rise soon :P

I also need to remember to get money out for board for my mum! I owe her quite a bit cos I keep forgetting each week.

Ok, off to the pools!

My arm is aching

2005-02-03T18:31:00.000+11:00

I don't know if it's the slight change in weather or whether I just slept on it wrongly, but it's really achingly sore today. I get it every so often, but today is probably the worst since well, I broke it. I can't blame it on swimming, since I didn't manage to make swimming the last few days (the pools were closed, then it was storming and today I was too buggered).

On an interesting note, I was looking at my sister's sport options for this term, and found some crazy activities they're letting in as sports these days. My favourite top 5 were: cooking, ceramics, photography, film appreciation and... network gaming. That's right: you can spend an afternoon a week playing computer games instead of sport! You should've seen Boy's eyes light up. Then he said that he probably shouldn't do that and do a real sport instead. Hehe he's a little chub.

What else has been happening lately? Not much. I had a nice chat with Louisa last night- she came over cos she gave up the choir after 13 years and she was a bit upset over it all. Tonight, some people from work and I should be playing a game of AOE2 over the internet: 10pm is the alloted time. The fellahs at work are so typically male "cute", I can't help being very amused by them.

I've got front of house this Sunday- last Sunday the play will be showing, so if you haven't seen it yet, get a move along! Maybe we'll go out to dinner afterwards: that would be really nice again.

Something else exciting has been happening, but I'm not saying anything until it's all finalised. I must admit I'm getting slightly impatient for all the details to be sorted out!

I've been quite bone-weary (hehe literally) lately, although the other night I had the best sleep in a long time (artificial): I actually woke up without feeling tired! I had a great dream last night too. hehe won't go into the particulars ;-)

I'm just tossing up whether I will drive in tomorrow cos there might be something happening, or whether it's just easier if I come straight home as usual. I'll see how I am later tonight.

Chocolate Beer

2005-01-31T13:40:00.000+11:00

I said farewell to my dear friend Stephanie yesterday. She leaves (with hubby) for a few month holiday to America/South America and then a month in France (be in France in July). They then settle in Canada for 2 years and then France for the 2 years after that, before coming back to Australia to settle for good (apart from the frequent holidays to everywhere else she hasn't visited yet... not much left!).

I then met up with theatre people for a Belgium Beer cafe experience. My first experience there wasn't that great and I didn't think much of it, but this time it was really good! I asked for the least beer-tasting beer, and she listed a few, one of which was a chocolate beer, so of course I had to try that. It actually wasn't too bad. Had a bit of a jaffa flavour to it as well. I then had some white wine with my mussels (surprisingly very good since I'm not a seafood fan). G and Bek had their 30% alcohol beer (good thing they didn't drive home :P), Roger had The Pig and the stew which Marissa had looked great (my other choice). Afterwards we stopped off at Gelatissimo at Circular Quay and had some laughs poking fun at the disco ball in particular and other things in general.

Got home at 12, so I'm a bit tired today, but they have "pillows" (spicy fruit rolls) at work so it's great! :D I have my first Fujitsu work meeting today after work. My boss recommends getting there early for a pre-meeting glass of wine and then drinking it quickly enough to get a refil for the meeting glass of wine. It was up to me whether a post-meeting glass of wine was in order ;-) I seem to be surrounded by winos.

Lazy Days

2005-01-29T20:37:00.000+11:00

Today was the laziest day ever. I slept in til 11am (which is late for me) and then showed mum the old books and jewellery I bought yesterday. I checked my mail, watched some of the Return of the King appendices and then fell asleep for at least 3 hours (had disturbing dreams). Then had dinner, washed up for mum and sat down and watched The Phantom with the family. This heat is awful and makes me so listless and drowsy. I never got around to going swimming: it was too hot.

Yesterday was also pretty lazy. I took the day off work to spend it with K and we went to Liverpool Westfields (excitement++) and spent the day doing silly things like smelling all the perfumes, trying out some makeup. I bumped into Gabe, this fish person (who wouldn't stop complaining in typical fisher man manner), and my aunt and her family. I bought lots of junk jewellery (really nice stuff too). We then went back to K's where I proceeded to hug Pooh, pictured here:

I love Pooh. I remember I slept against him once. He really is something you need in the house when you just need to hug something. We watched a few episodes of Seinfield season 1, and then I had a nap (accidentally!). We then picked up Phil who was going to the airport and looking for a Medicare which we never found:

After dropping him off, I went to Goulds and bought some old books whilst K visited her relatives. Then we got a bus in and sat around at The Castle for a while too cool down and K caught up with Sydney Water people. We then went off to her cousin's dinner (of sorts) and Bunny and Gaby eventually came as well. It was a great time, definitely something we need to do again! I got home around 2am and slept til 11am (as I stated earlier). K left today- I hope the flight isn't too awful (she's been dreading it all week).

Looking forward to tomorrow: afternoon tea with Stephanie and Nathan and then dinner with the theatre people after the show. I might try to go to the pools during the day, depending on how hot it is. I hope it doesn't get too warm, it just drains all energy out of me!

My computer keeps saying I have a virus, but all the scans (Norton, SpyBot and Ad-aware) have shown nothing. I've updated them all, and I've also downloaded the patch for the virus that Norton says I've got (but not when I do a scan- it comes up clean), and that told me I had nothing on. So I wish it would just stop popping up!

Bunny leaves on Monday! Phil and Cally left yesterday, K today. Everyone will soon be gone except Gaby, Daphne and I. It's going to be lots of fun!! :D

Hu-miliation!

2005-01-26T17:57:00.000+11:00

I was playing Q3 with Boy and Mary and I came last!!! My excuse is that my controls kept changing back to the defaults and at one stage, I could only shoot with the ctrl key, not the mouse button, so I kept jumping in and out of the game. Still, in the game before, Andy beat me. You should've seen him going around with the gauntlet when he and Mary were having a game and she kept getting killed. All I kept hearing was "Hu-miliation". I also lost my last two games of RoN. I think I'm losing my touch! Wait until I start playing WoW ;-)

I would post a photo of BBQ King the other night with K, except the group ones came out pretty poorly: half of us have our eyes closed. Have a photo of K singing Ice Ice Baby:

I haven't had duck for a while- it was very nummy! :D I also tried some of her banoffee pie, and it was very nice as well. We had a good time at Karaoke: I sang Linkin' Park, Evanescence and Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not the One. I'll have to take Mary sometime, she'd love it. I also saw Henry again, who I haven't seen in a while. He's back in Sydney! I'll have to try to have lunch sometime with him. Otherwise I probably won't see him until K comes back to Sydney next time ;-) It's great being in the city again and having lunches with people. Ian, Matt, Josh and I try to do it every week or so and sometimes Corina comes along. Josh is going overseas (AGAIN!) either today or tomorrow. Everyone will be overseas soon! I've just got to decide which way I'm going: overseas for a holiday or for a few years like I should've done 2 years ago. I really regret that now. I could've been coming back and settling down into an apartment, instead of having wasted 2 years not really getting anywhere and now possibly uprooting myself just as I felt I was settling down. Rome for my big 1/4 of a century celebration? I don't think I can be bothered organising a Pemberley party. We'll see if I meet my Mr. Darcy sometime soon (I think I'm about due him- I've had my Mr. Collins (shudder) and my Mr Wickham) ;-)

I was eaten alive by mosquitoes chatting with K outside her house! I've forgotten how much they love my blood.

Just finished watching Troy with the family. *sigh* lots of boredom in that show, still I'm glad I finally got around to watching it. I have Confessions of a Dangerous Mind to watch as well as this movie called... Cypher with Jeremy Northam and Lucy Liu in it. It's a Scifi flick, not entirely sure what it's about, but thought it would be interesting. I went to the video store to hire out Solaris- Simon was telling me the plot of the story, and it sounded really good. But they didn't have it at the video store. I shall have to hire it from the good video store at Wynyard St some time.

I bought some new PJs (polka dot dress thing) and a new swimming top so that I have a spare pair (I have stacks of swimming bottoms). I'd really like to get another pair of board shorts as well. That way I can swim every day without having to wait for my cossies to dry. Next week I'll hit swimming half a km. I'd really like to be taught how to swim freestyle properly, currently I just swim breast stroke but it would be nice to do a lap of freestyle and a lap of breast stroke. Freestyle always looks so graceful. I'm really enjoying coming home via the pools every few days, there really is nothing like the feel of water moving around you. My arm is holding up well, although I swim a bit crooked because my left arm has more power in it. I find my right leg gets a bit sorer in order to compensate.

Well that's about it from the happy side, so not much else to say. The family is back and enjoyed their time in Adelaide. I'm still waiting for some photos. Little Jackson's in hospital again- he might have bronchiolitus which isn't very good :(

I don't know where my money goes

2005-01-23T08:56:00.000+11:00

Well I did yesterday: I bought 11 CDs at JBHiFi. Admittedly most of them were older albums that were in the $10 and $15 bin. I bought:

Live, Throwing Copper

Live, Secret Samadhi

Powderfinger, Odyssey Number Five

Powderfinger, Double Allergic

Incubus, Morning View

Audioslave, Audioslave?

A Perfect Circle, Mer De Noms

Stabbing Westward, Stabbing Westward (wanted Darkest Days but they didn't have it)

Flaw, Endangered Species (been wanting to get this one for a long time)

The Return of the King soundtrack

The Little Mermaid soundtrack (bonus CD cos it comes with both I and II Little Mermaid films. I've never seen the Little Mermaid II). I'm not sure what the guy at the counter thought of that last purchase in relation to the others.

That was after spending the day at Parramatta looking for wedding dresses with Bek. I still can't get over how much they cost: you're looking for easily over $1K. She did find a really lovely one and even chose the colour of the bridesmaids dresses. I tried one on, and it looked quite nice. Very slimming and the colour (gold) wasn't as awful on me as I thought. Still, the search for a wedding dress isn't over!

After going for a hike through parramatta to find a particular wedding dress shop which didn't meet expectations, we stopped off for some ice cream at Cold Rock (?). It was quite cool you get to choose an icecream and something to be combined with it. I chose ferrero rochere icecream with maltesers. Quite yummy.

We then took a scenic route to the City to meet up with G for some much needed dinner and then I spent about an hour mucking around at the theatre chatting and setting up the set for the performance. As I was leaving to go to the car and get home (hoping that I could get the washing off the line before it rained), Gaby had called and Cally, Gaby and Mark were going to see A Very Long Engagement at Circular Quays Dendy. Having a Coke rejuvinated me enough to go for a trek down the other end of town.

Well, I wasn't sure what I was expecting from the movie. It was quite sad, and made me a bit glum on the way home. Still, it was quirky in the Amelie style and nice to just do something on the spur of the moment.

Ooh! I got some more BSG episodes too!! So excited!! :D I just have to wait until later today, after the youth group sports day and BBQ (hahaha it's RAINING!) in order to watch them. We didn't think of any wet weather plans, so I might bring them all back here (since the family doesn't get home til Tuesday) and have a console/movie party like last week.

Had a really good chat with Bek: a well needed rant (although I seem to need one every few days). I came up with a new phrase: "you're merely a bunch of photos and a few blog entries". I thought it was quite good and puts it into perspective. So it shall be my new mantra for when I find myself dwelling too much on the past.

Better get going! Have a lovely wet Sunday!

Work happy

2005-01-19T19:20:00.000+11:00

I had a great day at work today: lots of laughs, rolling of eyes and general workiness. My lunch was good too! I also finished The Silver Spoon, so I'm on to the last of the second series in the Forsyte Saga. The last one was kinda boring until towards the end, when I found it quite good. This one already looks more promising. Will there be another meeting between Irene and Soames?

I got a postcard from my mum. Hehe they're only gone for a little over 2 weeks, but mum being mum was considerate and sent me a postcard. I heard Joshie speak to me over the phone the other night: he kept saying "bay-bee". He was so beautiful, I was saddened that I wasn't there to hug.

My neck was a bit sore today from swimming. Looking forward to going tomorrow. I was actually tossing up going tonight, but remembered I'd left my swimmers out to dry and didn't have them in the car with me. I suppose I could duck out now and go, but instead, I need to think about what I'm going to do for dinner.

So off I go! :)

This is pretty

2005-01-18T22:26:00.000+11:00

Found this quoted in one of the fanfic stories (a really good one too):

Give me dreamless sleep, and loose night's power over me,
Shut my ears to sounds only tumultuous then,
Bid Fancy slumber, and steal away its potency,
Or Nature wakes and strives to live again.

Let each day pass, well ordered in its usefulness,
Unlit by sunshine, unscarred by storm;
Dower me with strength and curb all foolish eagerness --
The law exacts obedience. Instruct, I will conform.

from Fatigue - Amy Lowell

Avocadoes and Tomatoes

2005-01-18T20:22:00.000+11:00

I just made a great dinner for myself (and for lunch tomorrow)! I had the rest of that salad from the weekend (finally!), some avocado and my wonderful italian tuna pasta dish that I stole from Louisa. This time I put a lot more onion and garlic in it and a dash of chilli and spicy bean salsa (weird, but adds this really nice undertone to it). It's probably a good thing that no one else is in the house after the garlic and onion :P

It was a great treat after my swim. I am woefully bad at swimming long distances, but the plan is to increase the number of laps by 2 each week, until I'm swimming for about 30 mins non stop.

I also finally put the silvertone in my hair to try to take out some of the golden tone, but it failed dismally: it doesn't seem to have made any difference whatsoever.

K flies out in about 24 hours and gets here in about 50 hours. I also reached a land-mark in my savings :D

Lots to be excited about!

Automatic Flowers

2005-01-17T19:26:00.000+11:00

That song always makes me smile. The words aren't that encouraging, but for some reason it amuses me. It could be the way he sings it and the video clip as well.

I got around to washing the dishes tonight after I got home from work, so I have a spotless kitchen again. I made a nice dinner for myself: lasagna along with some more of the left over salad from Saturday. I've eaten it for breakfast, lunch and dinner and I have enough for another lunch tomorrow and as a side for dinner. I added cashews to it for lunch which made it quite yummy.

I'm feeling quite tired, but also content. Possibly due to what I'm listening to atm, which was... argh it turned off and I can't get it back. But it was called "Where ever you will go" by... someone. The people who did Calmino Palermo. Now it's Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains. hehe one of my all time favourites!

I'm tossing up whether to watch a dvd, start a jigsaw or play a computer game. If I could fall asleep at this time, I'd do that, but no such luck I'm afraid Freddie.

I've been keeping up with the fanfic lately and it's such a hoot! Some of the stories are soo poorly written, with such bad, loosely hung plots that I can't stop giggling. Which reminds me of the other day at work when I really couldn't stop giggling for half an hour. I was so embarrassed about this silly thing I had asked my boss about my payslip (ie was there supposed to be a slip of paper, but I had to pull it apart cos it was printed on the inside, so here I was looking into it, trying to find this slip of paper that wasn't there). It was the day after I'd dyed my hair blonde, and there were quite a few jokes about it being my natural colour :P I couldn't help laughing at Ben (when can I not stop laughing at Ben though?) today and Simon as they were getting quite emotional over one of the new sporty cars. I thought it still looked yuck, but they expounded it's virtues. Still didn't convince me though!

OUR LADY PEACE - Automatic Flowers Lyrics
and Sara thinks she's died here once before
she's crazy
a pop-up book of flowers from grade 4
are driving her insane
no-one knows why
she's sad tonight
no-one can help her find

crying, she couldn't afford
the view
crying, these automatic flowers won't
do

another brick
another window frames the confusion
her garden blooms but Sara can't see straight
she's drinking herself blind

I'm seriously considering buying WoW and trialling the first month. I need to wait until March though cos Mark wants to play. So Matt, Bunny, Mark, J, Ian (you know you want to) and I! Should be good :)

Great weekend

2005-01-16T18:32:00.000+11:00

What a great weekend! Friday night theatre and girls night out, Saturday people came over for movies and Mario Kart and general eating and chatting. Today I went to yum cha and then the Lord of the Rings exhibition at the Powerhouse Museum. All in all, it was a great weekend full of fun and friends.

I'm really tired now though! It's been so hot lately that it's hard falling asleep. I also have a pile of dishes to wash. I don't know if I have enough energy to do them today. Or at least at this very moment. Instead, I might go have a nice lavendar bath and then lie on my bed and watch an episode of Black Books (the last for the 3rd series!) or a movie of some sort.

Think I'm too full from my mushroom breakfast and yum cha feast!

Back to work tomorrow: looking forward to it! :)

Oh what a night!

2005-01-15T02:23:00.000+11:00

That was a great night out! Bunny, Gaby and I got dressed up had a nice dinner at a Japanese restaurant and then saw The Forsyte Saga at the Genesian. The set was terrific and the acting superb. I still have problems with the script, but there's not much I can do with it.

It was great catching up with a lot of the members, and I got quite a few compliments on my outfit and my hair! I bought a few more accessories and they're great. I'll slowly build up to having some really great combinations to show my daughter(s) eventually and have them tell me "ooh yuck mum! I can't believe you wore stuff like that!" hehehe

After the theatre, we went for a coffee and had a nice long chat and then more chatting in the car. When I was driving home from Burwood, I had this flirting relationship with a car next to me of 3 guys who kept waving out the window and being funny. It was quite amusing and kept me smiling the entire way home. They were red P platers, so I really think anything beyond car flirtation could be illegal ;-)

And now I'm home to an empty house and people coming over tomorrow! It's great. Good times :)

I'm also planning on doing a M&Ms test by buying a few packets and then colour counting and seeing if there is a trend or if it really is random! I've developed quite a strong liking for M&Ms. We pass them around at work and there is a certain part of the day where it's really nice doing some of the Schedule work and crunching on a few M&Ms.

Yay for lots of things!

Blonder, Titian, Copper or just Orange?

2005-01-12T23:29:00.000+11:00

Here are some photos!

Still wet:

Drier:

Back cos it's all puffy:

Attempt taken from the top:

It's not too bad now that it's dried and kinda evened out in lightness. Still too orange though :) Brings out the blue in my eyes but!

Blonde!

2005-01-12T21:01:00.000+11:00

I bought 2 packs of blonde hair dye today and am sitting waiting for it to set in. I hope it turns out ok and not too blotchy or streaky. My consolation is that if it looks completely awful, I'm dying my hair black and going to become a goth! :D I'm about to go wash it off, so wish me luck (although by the time I actually post this, I should have a photo of the finished result). Still much excitement. I took Mary with me to help pick a colour. I'm really trying hard to involve Mary in a lot of what I do because we've never really gotten along, but I can't change that unless I try to. So with the youth group and she usually accompanying me to movies these days, I'm hoping we're growing closer, and that she sees that I do appreciate her, and it takes my mind of being lonely.

Ok, better go wash it off. I have a feeling the roots will be a lot blonder!!

UGH! The roots ARE much blonder... well... copperier/bronzer. Still the bulk of the hair is a nice lighter brown. The roots though!

My camera ran out of battery, so I'll post tomorrow.

My old contracting work is still going, although very patchy. Atm, they're trying to pump me full of information about the data uploaders that I wrote most of and picked up from scott. It's kinda frustrating because I was thrown in the deep end and had to learn it, but they can't seem to. So I'm providing as much information as I can and answering their questions, but at some point, the coder will simply have to walk himself through the code by himself. As a coder, that's usually the quickest way for me to pick up stuff: get a quick overview, and then spend a day reading it and working through it.

Feeling better?

2005-01-11T20:43:00.000+11:00

I was. Firstly, let me say what I enjoyed about today:

I met up with Judy after work. She flies back to the States on Friday so this was the first and last time I'll see her for another two years perhaps.

We then went and met up with some people who were having dinner at a Jap restaurant on Liverpool St and then going to Karaoke. I left early cos I was tired and didn't want to catch a train home too late. Still it was nice to see some friendly faces.

I've decided not to go into the other thing. Moral of the story is I really need to throw out my entire old life and get a new one. From now on: only happy, interesting stuff that people want to read about and to show that I'm having a hooray of a time.

Strange Dreams

2005-01-11T16:07:00.000+11:00

Had another strange dream that I remembered quite vividly. I was taking the youth group on a big holiday. Both Mary and Boy were there, and I think it was either Nathan or Fred as the 4th person in my car. We were going on a boat to see this youth minister who had helped us out. The strange thing was that it wasn't Ron, but the person who helped us out after Ron left (there is no such person). The stranger thing was that he looked and spoke and acted to some extent like Gaius from BSG (without being evil and having a Cylon g/f).

Anyway, on the way over there, the kids kept wanting to jump into the sea and swim around as we were puttering across to the Island where the Gaius-person lived. Then I saw a shark: very large fin at that. Calling in the kids, and telling them to hurry, 3 didn't make it and were eaten by the shark. I think I remember thinking I should be more shocked than I actually was in the dream. When we got to the Island (yes we merrily kept tripping along nonwithstanding the lowered numbers), we had to go on this morning bushwalk type of thing which at one stage Gaius who was leading us, stopped in front of me, bent over and put his head on the ground as a wave (from the middle of the Island and around a corner as we were kinda ascending in a ring around the Island?) came crashing down on top of him. I had to hold him in position and everyone thought it was a great time and were laughing. It seemed that you had to do this as part of the walk, and since I was next, I put my head down and waited... no wave. No wave came at all. I was kinda disappointed cos I wanted to feel the salty coolness. Instead, I had this apparition come and say something to me. I can't remember what it was (I just remember going "Wha?") and I can't remember who is was (she had black hair, and wasn't from BSG, and was kinda in a white cowled robe). So then I went off and let the next person in line (Fred) put his head down, and the wave crashed over him. I sighed in resignation.

Anyway, then it kinda got a bit sketchy: I believe some more kids got eaten by sharks since they couldn't seem to stay out of the water, and I took Mary and Andy to get some breakfast at this lebanese type bakery. He got a pie, mary got a roll and I wanted to get this exotic looking lebanese food, but couldn't be bothered waiting for it to cook so didn't get anything.

Then I woke up.

I feel like crap atm. It's rare that I get deeply angered, and you want to run away from me when I do, but for some reason after lunch today while I was working, I suddenly found myself in that state. I wanted to really hurt badly a particular person (physically and emotionally). It's taking a long time to stop feeling like that, although I've calmed down and it's more like: what's the point of even thinking like that cos it's not really what I want and it would only be a temporary satisfaction before I felt awful. It won't really help me in the long run, the best thing is to just move on. Moving on is proving to be so extremely hard though. Last night I had a shocking night crying my heart out (yet again). I just still want him so much, it's scary and frustrating and makes me feel even more useless and a fool for feeling when nothing is there.

According to the 5 stages of grief, I'm just as confused as I feel. The 5 stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. I seem to feel all 5 in varying degrees constantly. Anger not as much, unless it's directed at me for being such a blind fool and for deluding myself in the first place that it would all work out and continuing to delude myself that it would throughout (although today being an exception when I was deeply angry at the source and wanted to use him as a punching bag... if I could punch properly with my right arm which still doesn't let me (I've tried punching my pillow) cos it's still not right since the break). I think I'm done with denial, although I still catch myself, usually just when I'm waking up, not really feeling like it's real and that it will all go away and this weekend I'll be able to drive to his place and relax in his arms. Bargaining... I don't really bargain to get him back, but more bargain to take the ache away or to jump forward 5 months where I'll feel better (notice the denial or escapism coming into it). Depression: that's a given with good old depressional me (made up a new word!). Acceptance: sometimes I really do, and I really feel that the future will be fine, but these are few and far between.

I think Kate hit it on the head when she said that people in this sort of circumstance should be able to be drugged unconscious for a few months until the initial pain is gone and life goes back to its dreary self. My view is a bit more like Garden State where I could be drugged up to be numb for a few months until my reason and time has set it and made you no longer care.

So all in all, the flower elixer seems to be pointing to more of a placebo type effect, although it does tend to make my lows not as extreme or as long. Possibly due to the placebo type effect! hehe gotta love phsyiology and the brain.

For J, so he doesn't feel as depressed: chicken and pototatoes! oh WoW!

How low can you go?

2005-01-10T18:52:00.000+11:00

Very very low is the answer.

Riding my rollercoaster. Feel crappy. All the usual stuff.

End of blog.

Punctuality

2005-01-09T16:40:00.000+11:00

Stole this from Matt's blog: SMH article on lateness

Punctuality may be a dull virtue, but it's the lubricant necessary to oil the wheels of social encounters, both professional and personal. It is a contract in which at least two parties agree to show up at the designated time.

It is hard to see how failing to honour that agreement is anything other than a show of disrespect for others. It's a breach of etiquette that puts a strain on relationships, causing unnecessary stress and a domino effect of rushing, or missing anything from performances to trips.

But why does it matter so much to some people and not at all to others? Why are some people never late and some people habitually so? And what are the cultural differences in our approach to timekeeping?

I absolutely agree with her. I have been late on occasions, but I, like the author see that it's a tacit agreement between more than one person to be at a particular place at a particular time. I'm not talking 5 minutes difference, but longer. I also find it extremely annoying that these people fail to ring and tell anyone, or ring when they are already 30 mins late. How hard, in this age of mobile phones, is it to ring someone and give them the respect and courtesy of saying they are running late, but are still coming?

I've been in so many situations all my life when people show up late, and late to things that you shouldn't be late for, that makes the organiser very embarrassed and sloppy. I've been stood up at school with friends where we agreed that a whole bunch of us would agree to be somewhere, and they failed to let me know that it was cancelled. So I sat waiting for over an hour, thinking they were just running late. So if you're running late: ring someone. It's very rude I think and something that just makes me irritable. And like the woman said, it's a show of disrespect, even if you don't mean it to be: it's like saying I don't care enough about you to want to be somewhere on time, which let's face it, isn't that difficult if you just think a little about what's involved in getting to a place on time.

Wow I sound very harsh, and I'm not meaning to be a time tyrant, but at the same time, the people who are always punctual and always waiting on people are allowed to get annoyed and why should we continue to take the crap of the lazy people? I'm not referring to when you are late due to unforseen circumstances out of your control, but "forgetting the time" is not good enough, nor is multiple bookings of your time. If you've got a few things on at the one time or near each other- let someone know, or organise it that you will be there at a particular time, even if it's later. That, or simply don't come (and let someone know). If you don't care enough to be on time, or show up, then have the courtesy to let that person know so they're not sitting around for 30 mins twiddling their thumbs and getting slightly peeved.

It's refreshing to know that I'm not alone in my irritation. I'm finding a lot of things I'm not alone in: areas where I thought I was the weird/strange one for thinking certain things, but I'm finding that I'm actually more normal than the other person: they're the ones who just don't know reality or associate with too many of their kind of people and even though they are in a minority, because they associate mainly with those people, it seems to them that they are the majority. So now I feel justified for all the times when I've said something like "It's a normal female thing" it really is a normal female thing, and it's the other person who just hasn't been around most normal females.

So don't let it happen again kids!

end rant.

Ironically, I betcha the next thing I organise or go to, I'll be running late. But I'll ring someone!!!!

Meanwhile, that going to lie down ended up being a 3 hour nap where I just collapsed. I then watched The Long Kiss Goodnight and I'm determined to be an assassin when I grow up. What was that about reality again? *re*

What I feel like today

2005-01-09T09:07:00.000+11:00

Even though it's overcast, and rainy, I really have the urge to go on one of those picnics where it's cool but you're all rugged up. Sit outside and just relax and enjoy the outdoors. That or snuggle under a rug and watch a movie... or do a jigsaw :P

I tried playing Caesar 3 but got too bored because I just can't tip the Prosperity rating over 85. I've gone through and demolished entire sections of my city and reconstructed them so that they are better. I've got my employment problem under control and my granary and warehouse systems better, but the simple matter of fact is that I can't produce pottery enough for my people because I don't import enough clay, but there is no way that I can't increase my imports- it's a fixed point of the game. Not very happy about this.

I did play RoN:T&P however, and have gotten to the point where I can beat a Tough quite easily again. So I'm going to try Tougher today.

I also wrote some of my fanfic. It was hard starting it up again, but I've been involved in helping Shem with hers so much that I thought I might give mine a try. Unfortunately, I think I slipped out of the Regency time period with my phrases, so the few pages that I managed to write will have to be gone over a few times until I am perfectly satisfied.

I was interrupted with my writing because I helped Maryann write her resume. She's determined to get a job asap (she's only turning 14 this year). So she has a one page summary of who she is and what she likes doing. It might be best if she got a job for the sanity of the house: she and Boy have been at each other's throats these past few weeks. If she's out of the house for a few hours each weekend, it would be splendid.

I also helped my mum with her very first powerpoint presentation. It was an awful experience: she doesn't understand any basic concepts of a presentation, so we have things zooming in here, and flying off there. It's awful, but it's not mine and I did at least get her to agree on some kind of uniformity of effects with the same type of item.

I think I shall paint my nails today: purple. My family is going away to Adealaide this coming Friday so it's exciting. It's a pity that I won't see Lucy, but I'm thinking of flying over one weekend soon. I have my weekends while they're away all booked up already! I can stay out as long as I want without fear of waking people up, etc. The only problem with that is the other night, after Phantom, I almost fell asleep in the car again, so no late nights for me anyway!

I washed my hair last night and my curls have come back slightly- just the ends and very loosely, but I really like them so I'm going to keep my hair down instead of tying it back in the bun that I have been for the last month or so (the spinster look).

Today would have been my 18 month anniversary. I had already started thinking what we could do. Makes me sad, remembering. I'm gonna go lie down for a while.

But I thought it was still Christmas?!

2005-01-07T14:43:00.000+11:00

Christmas decorations are still up (even though it's technically after the Epiphany so they should come down), and I've seen my first Easter Eggs for sale! The Wonderful George St Woolies are selling Easter Eggs already. I was tempted to buy some to start my collection for Easter early, but they're not even on special or anything! Then I thought, this year, I might give the whole 2 big baskets full of yummy small Easter Eggs a miss. It's too expensive, and we all get sick of them in the end anyway.

So I bought some cherries! Yum!

Cold

2005-01-07T13:48:00.000+11:00

I switched from StainD to Cold today in the car and was enjoying my drive to Burwood this morning. I'm meeting up with Ian and Mark and maybe bunny if she ever gets back to me! to see Phantom of the Opera: YaY! I think after that there aren't too many movies that I haven't seen lately: I've gotta try filling up my time some how.

The RoN expansion pack makes the game so much harder. I was struggling against 1 Tough. I think they've made it so the resources aren't gathered quite as quickly- I've just found myself struggling to reach pop caps and getting it all going properly. I think tomorrow I might play Caesar 3 all day until I win it!!

The family is going to Adelaide soon, which means I have the house to myself for 2 weeks! Expect me to try to organise some movie/game/PS2 days at my place. Maybe I'll organise a B5 day and cook again! It will be very nice to have the place to myself again. I've always enjoyed it.

I feel like I've done enough work today already. I managed to get in at 8am today and was working steadily until about 12:30. I then chatted with Belle for about 30 mins. Quite nice to learn more about her and we swapped our interview stories and what they were saying about me after my interview here. We also spoke about relationships and that was a nice break for me. I might go out for lunch in a while just to get out of the place for a few minutes. Then I'll start working hard again to cross of the last few items from my list I drew up for myself yesterday. This will also mean that I start next week with nothing much to do. There is always something that crops up, and it will be nice to know that I have a completely clean slate.

I finished reading Life of Pi which was really interesting (thanks Bek). It's about a 16 year old boy who get stranded on a life boat with a 450 pound Bengal tigre. Not a position I'd like to be in at any time in my life! Now I've started reading The White Monkey which is book one of The Modern Comedy, which is the second series in the Forsyte Saga (thanks Gaby). I'm only a few pages into it, so I can't comment on it so far.

I also received my membership renewal form for the Genesian, and this year I am determined not to forget paying!! I just need to wait a few weeks for my pay to come through. This saving up business is hard!

So... not really much happening. Not much going through my head atm, I'm really quite relaxed about everything: not even concerned about the fact that I don't know exactly what's happening tonight. I suppose if it all goes horribly wrong, I'll just drive home listening to Cold and singing at the top of my lungs and feeling happy that it's Friday!

Looking ahead, I thought I had a few things to do this weekend, but we cancelled the youth sport's day and find that I don't have anything in particular, so can sit at home and relax and play the computer and do a jigsaw and maybe watch a few DVDs and hire out some ones that I never got around to watching at the cinema. Fun, fun!

WoW

2005-01-05T22:03:00.000+11:00

WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW WoW

blah
zoot zoot
plink
raloijkhouhsdg
Z'Ha'Dum
I want to be a decker.
Zephyr
Kosh
Roll 2d10 for save vs poison

and a lot of other random words.

One of my favourite moments in B5:

How does it feel to be helpless? To be the victim? Does it help you to understand how we feel? Does it help you to understand our pain?

It is enough
Who is there?
Just us.
Who are you?
I am who I have always been.
Father!
It is too late for me, G'Kar, it is not too late for you. Honour my name. Honour my name.

We are a dying people G'Kar. So are the Centauri. Obsessed with each other's death until death is all we can see and death is all we deserve.
Centauri started it!
And will you continue it until there are no more Narns and no more Centauri? If both sides are dead, no one will care which side deserves the blame. It no longer matters who started it G'Kar, it only matters who is suffering.
No, No I have an obligation to honour my father's name.
And how have you chosen to honour that name? What is there left for Narn if all of creation falls around us- there is nothing! No hope, no dream, no future, no life. Unless we turn from the cycle of death towards something greater. If we are a dying people, then let us die with honour by helping the others as no one else can.
I don't understand
Because you have let them distract you. Blind you with hate. You cannot see the battle for what it is. We are fighting to save one another, we must realise we are not alone. We rise and fall together and some of us must be sacrificed for all to be saved. Because if we fail in this, then none of us will be saved, and Narn will be only a memory. You have the opportunity, here and now, to chose, to become something greater and nobler and more difficult than you have been before. The Universe does not offer such chances often G'Kar.
Why now? Why not earlier? All this time, where have you been?
I have always been here.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

My sister in law Louise just gave birth to little Lucy! That means my 4th nephew/neice :) 2 nephews (Joshua and Jackson) and 2 neices (Luca and Lucy)... yeah.. weird how there will be a Master J and Miss L in 2 different sides of the family. Plus I've always wanted a James and Lizzy (Elizabeth) :P and it's Joel and Louise!

What a wonderful way to end this day!

Insert Title Here

2005-01-05T09:34:00.000+11:00

For those that read bunny's blog, it's just a shameless rehash of hers! Bunny posted this asking 4 questions. I struggled with the first two, although in a few days I'll probably think of something appropriate, not that I didn't think my answers to the first 2 weren't true either. Just not exactly right.

She responded with this for me:
1. Song that reminds her of me: Evanescence - My Immortal
2. Famous person/character/etc that reminds her of me: Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh
3. Word associates with me: restricted
4. Colour associates with me: navy blue

I think it's pretty accurate. Do you have anything different? I like 2, I like 4. I'm curious about 3 though I think I know where she's coming from. I like My Immortal as well, although I don't know if that's the definitive me. It's probably close.

I'm at work, and I should be working, and I kinda am since I have two computers and my other one is processing a job for me atm.

Current status on the herbal elixer: it seems to be working- I'm generally more optimistic and relaxed and have found myself so tired lately, it's possibly relaxing me enough that I'm starting to need to sleep a lot more. I've also been getting to sleep quicker, which is great. But it's not as fullproof about thoughts and feelings and missing and loneliness as I had hoped (although I think my hopes for a cure-all were a bit too high). I almost broke down last night and did something I keep trying not to. I still have a really strong urge to communicate, but I just have to keep saying 'no'.

I'm trying to book myself up with weekends and week nights and keeping myself busy. Very much looking forward to having K back for a few days. It's also cool that she gets online more often so I can chat with her. As I said to her the other night, it'll just be like the old days except I don't require as much convincing to go out and do different things... althought sometimes I still do. Hey, it's me: I'm not as sociable as most!

I'm struggling with my headache lately. It's not that it's terribly painful, it's just slowly increasing in intensity and hovering all day, so I notice I have slightly squinting eyes and am tense in my head. It's exhausting.

Nathan and I watched Hero last night at my place and had salt and pepper pork: it was so yummy! It was funny that we're both so exhausted all the time with trying to juggle everything. He was looking as exhausted as I feel, which is strange cos I've known Nathan for a long time and he's always the optimist and energetic, and he just hasn't been like that for the last few months. See what growing up does to you!

Wedding dress shopping sometime soon with Bek sounds exciting! I would have no idea what I'd want in a wedding dress, except that it would be plain style with perhaps some sort of pearls embroidered in a simple flower design... and I want a veil... and it to not be strapless. Hrmm... actually, I might kinda know what I don't want, but there'd be so many different choices I wouldn't know where to start. I remember liking bits of my cousin Karen's wedding dress (the veil especially), the simplicity of Louise's dress, the femininity of Stephanie's dress whilst still being very simple, the embroidery on Peta's dress. I don't think I'd go the medieval look of Hellen's dress though. Heh, I've seen too many wedding dresses in my life!

J is also trying to convince me to start playing WoW. I would be tempted, but I'm not too keen on the whole subscription thing. It might be worth getting it and giving it a try. If I like it, then I might think about the subscription after the first free month. It'll be a month of more stuff to take up my time, which is only a good thing. But I don't know if I want to become more attached to my computer or not. I'm currently trying to finally finish Caesar 3. I just need 19 more points of prosperity, but I have the same old pottery distribution and production problem holding back the level of housing. It's so frustrating. At least I've got my employment problem semi under control, although the local uprising last night that wiped out quite a bit of my town was unfortunate.

Anyway, I'll get back to work. I might post again later tonight after my meeting, and hopefully I'll stop wanting to be hugged by then.

The Very Long Morning of Sojourn Mollari

2005-01-04T16:04:00.000+11:00

Jerking back into consciousness with the sound of rain pattering against my window. It's time to get up and I search for what day it is. Tuesday. I remind myself of what happened yesterday and what I have to do today.

It's a pity that the rain didn't happen yesterday so I could've enjoyed falling back asleep to it. Pity.

Shutting off my alarm radio, I get up, open my blind halfway and walk quietly to the bathroom for the start of the morning routine. My head hurts more than usual today, I surmise over a breakfast of muesli and yoghurt plus a glass of water and 2 omega 3s, a multivitamin and a vitamin E tablet. The st john's wort will have to wait until I'm at work. As will the new herbal rescue remedy.

Finishing off my morning preparations, I have a brief chat with my mum. Wish them a good time on their trip to Mat and Peta's for 2 days and discuss some ideas about the youth group.

I walk out the door, get into my car and drive half- subconsciously to the station and park. I forgot to get coins for my ticket I realise as I walk towards the station, but find enough in my bag anyway. Definitely a worse headache than normal as I trudge along. The ticket machine is broken. I'll top up my weekly tomorrow.

Standing on the station platform, thoughts of hijm mainly, crowd into my head. So sad, too bad. It's another day closer. Please stop soon. When should I have some of that rescue remedy? So far it's not too bad- just thoughts, not tears. Distraction: youth group. Nathan's coming over to discuss it tonight. What should we do? Complacency. 2 weeks until K gets back! Looking forward to it, already have plans. Such a short holiday though! Mean's we'll meet again. I must be ready to handle it and not break down. Thoughts resume their usual occupation. If only it had worked out. Everything would be great. I really miss our hugs the most... and the closeness... and the ruffling of his hair... and the... Train pulls in. I can't be bothered reading just yet. I'll write. And now I've come to the end. Everything that happens now is in the future.

If only I could rest my head on his shoulder, his arms around me and we pleasantly drift off for a while, hands clasped, hearts entwined.

But I'm getting over him. Scoff.

Next stop: Granville.

Rescue Me!

2005-01-03T18:06:00.000+11:00

Bach's Flower Essence test. I did that, and I think the result was: you need too much help to fit it all in a bottle :P Still, I read through quite a few of the different essences, and perhaps I should get a few different bottles mixed up. Atm, I'm taking the standard Rescue Remedy mixer which is just a general one that helps make you feel more positive and optimistic and decrease stress and anxiety. I will track the progress of how I'm feeling over the next few days. So far, I'm feeling a bit sleepy but generally in control and positive that the future will be ok. I've also been able to go through and analyse my situation and my feelings without getting bogged down in one particular thought or becoming overly emotional. So, so far, so good! It seems to be working (or it could merely be a placebo type effect... we'll see in time).

There is one flower that I think I should get a lot of though: White Chestnut

White Chestnut is the remedy for unwanted thoughts, worries and mental arguments, which intrude into the mind and stop people from concentrating on things that they should be doing. White Chestnut thoughts are repetitive and go nowhere, simply circling round and round in the head like a stuck gramophone record.

The remedy is used to help people control their thoughts again so that they can deal calmly and rationally with any underlying problems that might be causing the trouble.

For those who cannot prevent thoughts, ideas, arguments which they do not desire from entering their minds. Usually at such times when the interest of the moment is not strong enough to keep the mind full. Thoughts which worry and will remain, or if for a time thrown out, will return. They seem to circle round and round and cause mental torture. The presence of such unpleasant thoughts drives out peace and interferes with being able to think only of the work or pleasure of the day.

Here's a song bunny sent me. Thanks bunny, I really do like it :)

This Woman's Work, Kate Bush
Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

Thrones and Patriots

2005-01-03T15:01:00.000+11:00

I just went and bought it. I shouldn't have since I'm running out of money, but well... woohoo!! :D:D Mary and I saw Lemony Snickets today. The sets were really good, but the movie wasn't anything fabulous. I also bought that herbal stuff, so I'm hoping my moods will even out dramatically. I know people who swear by it, so here's hoping.

umm... *goes off to install RoN expansion* :D

Garden State

2005-01-02T23:38:00.000+11:00

That movie was just plain weird. I liked Natalie Portman in it though, which is rare for me. I felt so depressed during it and the ending was too unrealistic: come on people: he doesn't return in real life! Still, it was kinda uplifting. I nearly cried in it at one stage (at the end, when he did the whole "I need to go off and find myself thing" and she was like "you're just throwing away this really great thing between us" and he was like "oh, but it's just the beginning, I'll come back"... pfft!) All I can say is if a guy is willing to give up what he had: all the memories, the good times, everything that worked and the dreams of the future: for what he possibly might have in the future, or not have (he could come to the realisation that what he had was what he wanted), then go away? It just sucks that the females seem to generally have more emotions at stake than the men and the men always seem to feel a need to "find themselves". My aunty had a really good opinion on that whole thing. We had a really good chat today, and so did Gaby and I after the movie. It's nice to know that I actually am a normal female and that all the times that I supressed urges and thought I was being clinging and overwhelming are just normal female things. I seem to have acted actually quite un-female-ish according to the guys at work, and women I've been talking to. So atm, I'm feeling like "bad luck, honey, you're loss. I tried hard, and there was nothing else I could've done: it's your problem". Don't know how long that feeling's gonna last. My aunty recommended some herbs to take that supposedly just stop you from feeling a lot and can kinda switch off the typical female obsession with thinking things over a lot. It'll be like being a man and able to just switch off their emotions and compartamentalise things (ie, if they have a crap day at work, it generally stays at work, whereas if women are having a crap day, it spills into everything. Of course the flip side is that when we're happy, everything's good :P). Anyway, don't know where this slipped into being about me and not the movie ;-)

It was great to get out in the car, put StainD (thanks J) on and sing at the top of my lungs when I wasn't sucking on my candy cane. Mark came to dinner, it was nice to see him, although he's not feeling well again! So sorry for recommending Mammas Kitchen Mark! I can't believe how crappy the service was! After dinner, Gabs and I saw the movie and then chatted for an hour. Lots of new years resolutions to keep. But I forgot to talk to her about something we were chatting about on MSN the other day! Next time! We're planning a great night out soon to see the theatre and dress up, which is great cos I bought 2 lovely "little black dresses" and had no idea when I would get a chance to wear them. I think I'll wear the slinkier of the two: it's a bit lower cut, but feels so nice on!

Anyway, should get to bed! So nice to be able to sleep in tomorrow =)

I need more BSG!

2005-01-02T09:13:00.000+11:00

G and Bek recently introduced me to Battlestar Galactica, the new series, and I have watched all of the ones they've given me (pilot movie and 1 - 4) and it's very good. I'm so happy to have found Jamie Bamber (Apollo) again (after his heroic death in Hornblower). It took me a while to connect the two because he has short, black hair in BSG... and it looks so much better.. mmm.. especially with a bit of stubble... such a sucker for that look and the black hair and blue eyes (although the Archie look was great as well). Anyway, what can I say about the series? It's very human- everyone has their problems (on top of the external Cylon struggle). Gaius is pretty darn cute as well in a completely different way to Apollo, and his Cylon girlfriend is very pretty I think (great body too, I just wish we didn't see so much of it all the time. She looks great in all her outfits! :P). The acting is done very well. I'm so glad, cos you often get poor acting for SF series' and there is usually a few points in any SF series where you cringe cos it's so melodramatic or poorly acted (even B5 had those points). I haven't gotten to that point yet with BSG. One thing as a negative however is that the camera is a bit jerky at times (I believe it's intentional, but I don't like it), and that the scene transitions are quite abrupt (but that could be the quality of my divXes).

I should probably learn how to d/l using bittorrent and get my own copies. I hope they release it in Aus soon so I can watch it on TV and then buy the series on DVD.

I've got one episode of Black Books 3 left as well. I've been going very slowly watching those cos it's the last series that I can get my hands on. I'm running out of DVDs to keep me occupied actually. I rewatched Shaun of the Dead yesterday along with BSG and doing a jigsaw puzzle. I suppose the next thing is to watch season 1 and 2 of The Simpsons.

I just realised that I need to pay my NRMA membership and insurance and that I don't have enough money to do so cos I didn't budget it in my head for this month. Although, I think I have a few hundred over in my credit card. It'll have to do until I get paid. I don't like getting paid monthly.

Looking forward to seeing a movie tonight with Gaby. I should be seeing Limony Snicketts (sp?) today or tomorrow with Maryann cos she won free tickets (including the first 3 books and a soundtrack)... yeah... "she never wins anything"! Yeah right! Did I tell you she won 10 singles from a Sony competition last month? She has the midas touch.

G and Bek get back tomorrow: they've done a bit of thinking about their wedding and have planned quite a bit already I think. They managed to book the Church and set a date (that's the most shocking, cos they're getting married at one of the old small Churches in the city (the one I always visit in the city) and I would've thought it would be more booked up). So there might be some organising an engagement party for them and general wedding organisation. They are doing 4 theatre productions this year as well! eep!! And I think I'm busy half the time (although not much anymore). I can't wait until I move out so I can join in and start meeting heaps of new people and forming a larger acquaintance to keep myself busy. It's not really what I enjoy: I'd rather have a small, intimate group of friends, but that will come with time, when the gold has been sifted from the dross so to speak.

I had a dream last night that it was 15 minutes before their wedding and I was still shopping for a present for both of them and all the shops were closed, and then I suddenly realised I didn't have a dress and wasn't sure whether Bek would have a dress for me, or whether I was wearing something of my own. I started panicking :P and then it was weird, cos I ended up buying a vase for Peta instead of G or Bek. And then it switched and I was drinking a lot of wine and found a baby left on the road, and that triggered that I had found all these other babies abandoned over the past 2 years but what happened to them?... let's just say on the michter scale of dream weirdness it was up there.

So it's the new year and I am trying very hard to keep my new year resolutions already. So as part of my new years resolution I won't tell you that I still feel quite crappy and down, which is exacerbated by all the stupid things I've done recently that I wish I hadn't. I wish I could be at peace and content and friends. But I will tell you, as part of my resolutions, that I am trying not to dwell on them and let the past be the past (and die). I can't change what's happened and what I've done, so move on.

I won my Tougher games in RoN in under an hour (including winning games when I've been quite weak nations like Spanish and Nubians and Greeks). When I can get it to about 40 mins, I'll start on Toughest. I still can't manage 2 moderates though! Playing 2 computers is an entirely different ballgame. In my Tougher games, I've learnt to attack from two sides and that (barely) takes care of them. But with 2 computers, I think I need 4 armies, and my resource and pop caps can't handle that. This is where it's really important to get those wonders and rare resources... and territory. But it's not the same as a human player cos I still expose the computer's weakness in order to win. But then, the only difference between a computer and a human player is that they have a different weakness. Everyone has a weakness.

Anyway... off to have breakfast.

Always something interesting here

2004-12-31T16:29:00.000+11:00



Dim i as Integer



do

Debug.Print "something interesting"

loop until i < 0

*re*

I'm getting married!!

2004-12-30T20:45:00.000+11:00

After an awful, horrible day (my pillow is soaked from tears) and just general crappiness or at the very best mediocrity, I am going to be married! The wonderful Shem has, after much coercion, agreed to marry me off to the Colonel Fitzwilliam (CF), who shall purchase his retirement and live comfortably off the interest from my not too shabby dowry (I must at least have as much as Georgie). I had to convince her. I gave her the new "smitten by the kitten" catch phrase for CF to tease his brother (Ash) and a return tease from Ash to CF: "oh I see you've finally met miss wright". I've never been so happy that my name is so punny, I'm sure that's what convinced her. I now have to try to convince her to ~~wright~~ write me rolling my eyes at someone- perhaps Darcy! :D

Here is the line she will use (if she doesn't lose her bit of paper... I can't believe she actually writes it out on paper!!):

"So you have found yourself your Miss Wright" There was a pause . "I appologise, Ricky, that was a lamentable attempt at humour, let me try again..."

So not bad for an hour's work hey!?!

Ok. So... that's the end of my post. Not going to post anything but interesting, funny or uplifting things... hehe until my next crappy day when I need to vent. But I went and bought myself a paper journal, so hopefully it will be feeling the brunt of my (to quote my deleted earlier post) vitriolic spews of bitterness.

Still feel crappy, but well, the thought of my marriage to the dear Colonel uplifts me. That and I'm going to wear my new white skirt tomorrow and perhaps I'll try to make myself go out and meet up with friends for a NYE celebration. Who knows, only tomorrow will tell. It could rain... that'd put a dampener on things (ugh!).

ok... so... going to run away with the above sentence.

Richard interrupted his brother before he could attempt another comment at his expense. Instead, he smiled smugly. "Quite all right, brother dear, for I know you have taken leave of your senses since being smitten by the kitten."

Ash choked on his brandy.

The brother's stared at each other, measuring the other up, until finally they both nodded, laughed ruefully and clapped each other on the back.

"Double wedding old man?" Richard smirked.

"Certainly not! That's something they do in back-water towns with country mamas becoming hysterical with flower arrangements and saying things like "TWO daughters married! I think I shall faint! Fetch me my smelling salts!"

hehehe ok... perhaps I should simply start writing my serious fanfic again instead of wasting my time in dribble like this! ;)

Sensational blog post!

2004-12-30T13:47:00.000+11:00

1. Move your cursor all the way to the top of the vertical scroll bar
2. Move your cursor slightly to the left
3. Click on the link ("Next Blog >>")
4. Happy reading!

hey! it didn't have to be mine! And anything is better than the post that I just deleted.

I got (first time I clicked): http://nostance.blogspot.com/ and gee, I think my post was better!

The Incredibles

2004-12-29T08:35:00.000+11:00

I thought it was really good- very entertaining. On the michter scale, I give it 8.3 (/10). Firstly, the graphics were very good. There were a few mountain scenes where I thought it might be real. I was also very impressed with the scene where Mr. Incredible comes out of the water and his suit looks wet! Character-wise I thought they were all believable and well presented. The mother was very motherish, whilst being true to her old Elastic Girl self. Plot-wise it was predictable but within the usual plot and events in a typical comic/superhero plot. For example the nemesis is a result of the actions of the hero (this can be swapped around to also include the hero is the result of the actions of the villain as well). The baby in the last scene also very comic-like. But it was comfortable and enjoyable. I thought the dialogue was quite witty at times, and the liability cases was sadly only too realistic. I did like the line "'Everyone is special' is just a way of saying we're all the same". That line was used in regards to giving everyone super-powers as well. I thought it quite poignant.

In other news, today is my last day of holidays and I don't know what to do with it! So much to choose from, but I fear that since I got on the computer, most of my day will be spent on it. Not that this is a terribly bad thing, especially since I haven't decided if I really want to go swimming or shopping or seeing a movie (although I'm doing that tonight anyway with the youth group). I can always spend my lunch time tomorrow looking through Myers in the city, but I can't spend all day tomorrow playing computer games. I really should clean my room, but chances of that happening are approaching 0. I can't find anywhere to put my dinner set and basket of stuff for my glory box. I need to move out soon to not have my room start filling up with other glory box items! I already have an idea for temporary bookshelves when I get my new place. I could go look into that, but I want to collect together bank statements and other things, and also chat to a few people that I know who are in the business so I don't sound like a complete n00b when talking with the banks and real estate agents.

Ok, I'm going to go play a game of RoN and then get off my computer and do something different! Have a great day :)

Nailpolish

2004-12-28T11:34:00.000+11:00

I'm breaking with my " Me" title tradition, cos I'm getting irritated by it :P I painted my nails for the first time in a while recently. I chose a greeny-sparkly shade. It's quite yucky, but not at the same time.

It's my grandfather's birthday today, and we're all going over there for a celebration. My sister is trying on all her tops, trying to decide which one to wear. I've just got my normal jeans and dark navy blue top (one of my favourites). It's just family, and at my gparents. I'm taking my camera. I've pretty much taken photos everyday since I got it.

Shem and I have been spending time chatting about her story, and I've been proof reading it. I really enjoy proof reading and commenting on character development :) I haven't done any of my story for a very long time. I just can't seem to want to write about it. Plus I think I'd anger a lot of people in the fanfic world by having Jane not get back with Bingley. But honestly, it's about time Jane was happy with someone other than persuadable ole Bingles. I mean I love Bingley- he's usually a larger character in my fanfics than in the book- he's really easy to write, but does he really deserve Jane? Are they too similar in temperament to really be right for each other? They'll probably end up together, but they're both going to go through a bit of a growing up/changing experience first. Now Lizzy and Darcy is a different matter. I would really like to write/read a fanfic that they are happily ever after without being together. Why can't they find someone else to be happy with? After all, there isn't just one person for you. Well, this would be my exploratory piece relating to this.

Gaby is trying to organise something for NYE. It took me the longest time to remember what happened last year- all I remembered that I didn't do my usual nothing. Then I remembered. I wish I hadn't really. Still, don't mind doing something other than sitting at home playing RoN.

Oooh!! I've been going kinda well in that. Out of the 5 Tougher games I've played, I've won 3. I also managed to win 1 out of my 3 games vs 2 moderates. It's very hard playing 2 computers. But oh so rewarding when you manage to pull it off.

I think I have to stop and go.

Boxing Me

2004-12-26T11:22:00.000+11:00

Merry Christmas and all that. Mine was tiring- I kept falling asleep whenever I stopped doing things. But it was quite good as well (better than I was expecting). I was well enough to go down to Mat and Peta's and hence saw the twinnies: they've grown so much, but are still so tiny. I took many photos. The Christmas masses went well as well, and the youth group did such a good job with the supper and giving lollies out to everyone. We're all going out tonight for dinner, and will hopefully discuss what is happening during their school holidays.

I got a few of the "Complete Novels" - Austen, Brontes and Shakespeare. They're lovely, big hardcover, leather-looking bound, but it means I officially have no more room in my new little bookshelf. I also got some things for my "glory box" (tea towels, dinner set, hand towels).

I've been playing some RoN on Tougher and it really is a LOT tougher. I can win on Tough in about 30 mins now. I won my first tougher game just then: took me 1.5 hours, and I was losing through most of the game. It makes it a lot more challenging, but give me a few weeks/months and I might be able to start trying out Toughest. Once I can do that, it's time to buy the expansion pack... or find a new game :)

I've got some contracting work to do over the weekend and public holidays, but not very much. Then it's back to work. Not really sure what I'm going to do on my days off. Sleep a bit more than usual and perhaps tackle a lot of the DVD's special features that I've bought recently, but not actually seen.

Nothing Me

2004-12-23T20:27:00.000+11:00

Nothing much to say really.

The next page in my Better than chocolate book is: Exercise- exercising can have a huge impact on how positive we feel.

We had a work lunch at the Cargo Bar which was quite enjoyable. I stayed chatting with people all afternoon and then left to get home a bit earlier than usual. I've managed to do all the powerpoint presentations for tomorrow night and I've decided to simply buy a cake for tomorrow night instead of cooking tonight. I should get home earlier tomorrow, but I don't know how much time I'll have to do anything. Buying a cake is the safest bet methinks.

I've been pretty slack with writing those Christmas cards. I only got through 2 before running out of time. So Merry Christmas to everyone who reads my blog. I'm sorry I couldn't write you a Christmas card, but I've been hectic lately, and very self-absorbed.

I think I might play a quick game of RoN and then have an early night. I'm finding the Tough computer to be quite easy now. I've convincingly won my last 5 games. If I win easily once more, I'm going up to Tougher. I still only win one in every three games against 2 Moderates though.

Photo Me

2004-12-22T23:45:00.000+11:00

Here are some of the choice photos:

My Desk at work (both computers):

My lovely mug of hot chocolate, with marshmallow:

Choir people waiting to start:

I also mentioned that Bek had given me a book called "Better than chocolate: 50 proven ways to feel happier". It's quite funny. The first page reminds me of The Little Book of Calm: "When you are feeling listless, write a list". Still, I'm intending to go through one a day and see what happens. I'll keep you updated on one each day (if I remember). You've had your one for today.

I was sitting on the train today and wondered why or if anyone had ever thought of putting advertising on trains. Just think of the revenue raiser it would be for the government! You have a captive audience purely because they have to sit there for at least 10 mins, and at most 1.5 hours! There is heaps of clear spaces for said advertising to go. Heck with the new millenium trains, they could put a TV screen. One of the big channels (eg 7) could sponsor putting screens in each carriage (or two for either direction), and then spam us through the screen! It would really be the death of me. I think I'd have to stop catching trains cos I think it's the worst idea. But I was just wondering if anyone else had thought of it, and why they wouldn't do it. To my thinking, the two biggest barriers would be vandalism and energy. Perhaps the trains can only take in a certain amount of energy through the overhead wires, and supporting 16 or more TV screens would draw too much power. There is a third, probably the most important consideration for them: money, but I was thinking that a big company like channel 7 would find it in their best interest to advertise and train people to watch their channel over others. Of course, I don't have any real thoughts on overcoming vandalism. You could put it behind thick glass/plastic to protect the hardware itself, but it wouldn't stop people spray painting over the top of the plastic. Plus there is the sound problem. It would be a nuisance for all those who wouldn't want to listen. That's where the aeroplane headphone system comes in :P As you can see, I really ran away with the idea. I spent an hour on the train and there's only so much of a camera manual I can read before I go insane. So yeah. Just a thought. I hope it never happens because I personally hate in-your-face advertising. I dislike advertising in general. But I have a car and would probably switch to using it if anything like this ever happened. E-vision was just the beginning kids!

Anyway, choir was exhausting, I've got a huge headache, so I'm off to bed!

Camera Me

2004-12-22T15:30:00.000+11:00

This is my first post whilst at work! :D

I bought a camera online yesterday- a bit of an impulse buy, although I've wanted to get a camera for a while now. I got the Canon IXUS 500. Very nice little camera. This is actually my first camera ever, so be expecting me to be taking a photo of j00! I bought a memory card: 512 as well and a camera case, although the camera case was out of stock, so they'll courier it later. I'll eventually get around to buying a spare battery as well. So happy me-day! It's like a feel better gift meets christmas meets utility, cos it's going to get a good workout over the christmas break.

Work is quite slow today. I fixed a bug and implemented it through the whacky change request system. I also did my usual support stuff throughout the day. It's quite nice knowing that at certain times I have to do a set thing each day.

I've been making myself lovely hot chocolates at work. I took a photo of one (including my new work-mug). I will post it up when I get home and have all the software installed and everything. Simon also volunteered to do a little dance for my first video. I think most people on my level know I have a new camera by the flashes that have been occuring.

The foam packaging it came in also looks like one of the alien ships in Space Invaders. Simon has absconded it and it now sits on top of one of his monitors. (Have I mentioned that we actually have 2 computers at work each? The idea being one for development and one for testing/production. It's more commonly one for work and one for not work.) If we can get our hands on more of that sort of foam packaging, we're thinking of stringing them up on the roof and getting some nerf guns and playing our own space invaders in the office. Geeks I know. But fun geeks.

Mum and I had a chat last night which was good in the end. I still sometimes wonder if I got any of her genes though. I think I mostly inherited from my dad. She's understanding and giving and just calm (although not when the kids do something wrong, but she's calm about the future and events and things like that). She is also frustratingly right and sees to the heart of the matter most times, so I can't just go oh woes is me for too long before she tells me to snap out of it. Blah blah blah hehe I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing about my woes. I know I am.

I've got a work Christmas lunch tomorrow, and this time it's just the Operations team, so should be a lot better than previous ones where I don't know anyone and spend my time making small talk. They've given us permission to come in smart casual as well, but I think I'll just go in my normal non-professional-business atire, which is smart casual for most non-dags like me.

Head sore! ugh! Too much excitement today. I've got choir tonight- our last practice before Christmas. I think Louisa's going to be in stress mode. I think I should go get her some of her favourite Lindt chocolates to calm her down. My teasing of Matt with KFC actually backfired. Now I crave it for some unknown reason. I rarely crave KFC after Craig and my horrible horrible month of eating it at uni for Intelligent Agents.

So after choir, I'll set up my computer for transferring all the photos and then post some up here. They aren't very exciting, but the one of my mug of hot chocolate is great. Great mug, great looking hot chocolate (with marshmallow!). I shall also tell you about my "Better than Chocolate" book that Bek bought me the other day.

Until then, let us not say Good bye, but au revoir! I love Mr. Bennet's response to that one ;)

"He's as fine a fellow as ever I saw, he simpers and smirks and makes love to us all. I'm prodigiously proud of him. I defy even Sir William Lucas to produce such a son in law."

hehe I just love Mr. Bennet :)

Rollercoaster Me

2004-12-20T22:33:00.000+11:00

Another rollercoaster of a day. Not going to go into depth, since I've already written it out and decided not to post. Shem knows all that I need to say. So:

blah blah blah blah blah doom blah blah voot blah blah blah.

Now I feel better.

Bad things that happened today (without going into them in depth and getting upset about them):
* Developed a cold, so felt very drained and awful and needed hugs
* Since I've got a cold, it means I won't be able to go down on Christmas and spend time with the family cos the twins are still in a dangerous state, and I don't want to literally kill them. So lonely Christmas at my house by myself.
* Also means that my 3 Masses that I have to cover for choir is going to be a bigger challenge
* Everything seemed to fail at work, so lots of business, some stress, although not as much as if I was at my old job
* Snoring man next to me, and a loud, chatting girl all the way home so I couldn't concentrate on my book
* General, continued loneliness and feeling down due to missing half
* I feel so drained generally, like I need to spend a weekend recharging, except how I want to recharge is denied me.
* Mosquito bite

Good things:
* Funny moment at work which we all had a good laugh
* Lots of kids turned up to the youth group Christmas party which went well
* Stephanie turned up and we caught up (and she let me unburden myself)
* I love my new skirt (I should say one of my new skirts, for I have many)
* Chocolate
* Continued reading of my Economics book and it's getting very interesting.
* I'm really going to enjoy my nice warm shower and finally collapsing into bed.

So without further ado, I'm having said shower. Good night!

Working Me

2004-12-18T13:12:00.000+11:00

Well, that took a lot longer than expected to finish off all the work. But it means a few more hundred dollars and half the day has passed. While the database is being uploaded I played DDR- first time in a long time. I broke my previous Paranoia record :D. I didn't manage to get to the pools cos I got up and started working straight away. I could go later this afternoon, but I think I might just potter around at home.

I also played some Singstar. Eep! If you're feeling a bit melancholy, do not sing the Daniel Bedingfield song! They lyrics are:

If You're Not The One

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I praying you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Still, it's a great song to try to sing. I also sang my favourite one- Dido. I still don't go very well on it though.

I finished watching the extended edition of Return of the King last night. I didn't think any of the extended scenes really added much to it, although I'm glad Faramir got a bit more screen time. With the previous two extended scenes, it made the story a lot better and really more align with the books, but this time round, it was a bit disappointing. On to the extras discs, and then I might watch all 3 extended editions with commentary. That should take me the next few weeks :P

I had a crappy sleep last night. I'm just sick of dreaming. I kept waking up between 6am and 9am with a similar dream over and over again. I've finally got my waking mind to not thinking about a certain problem all of the time, but I can't discipline my dreams!! Drugs are sounding great atm. Speaking of drugs, I've been having vitamins the last few weeks, including Omega 3 and St John's Wort, and I do feel a bit better.

Anyway, going to play AOE2 and then some Rise!

Mexican Me

2004-12-17T20:43:00.000+11:00

I finally took some people (family) to the local Mexican restaurant. It was like pulling Andrew's teeth out he complained so much. Last time I bother methinks. I can't be bothered with ungrateful people anymore.

I've come home to lots of contracting work, so that should keep me busy over the weekend and means a bit more money. I checked my bank account tonight whilst I was paying a bill, and I got my first pay (more than I projected I would!) and an overdue payment from my contracting stuff. It was like Christmas already! So I transferred more than half of it into my savings account. I've definitely beaten my target for the end of year- by half over again almost! Which puts me right on track for my March target. But gosh I need as much money as I can saved up!

I wore one of my new tops today and it is so lovely. I'm sad that I won't be able to wear it again tomorrow! hehe I really like it, and it's brown and pink- not my usual colours. But it's so pretty :)

Hoping to go for a swim tomorrow morning. It'll be nice hitting the water again. Then more contracting work and then G and Bek are coming for dinner :) Then Sunday is Mass in the morning and to the shops to buy some stuff for Bunny's soiree and then to the event itself!

I made hot chocolate for the guys at work today- they were really appreciative- which was really nice. I also brought home the secondary support laptop and mobile today. Feeling very professional :P I have a feeling in a few weeks' time, I'll be starting my first support week.

I also bought a few more christmas presents today: Laura, the twins and Mat and Peta all checked off. I should make it by Christmas Eve at this rate! :) I'm also tracking nicely on my goals that I set out for myself two weeks ago. It's nice to feel like I'm working towards something again and achieving them. It's also helping keep my spirits up. I got a christmas card from my aunty today addressed to me and gus. I really should write a notice up. I was asked by family friend Angelo the other night when he was here for dinner, what angus was up to. So I had the awkward moment of telling him. A notice is a good idea. That way I don't have to get choked up when I say it.

Shem is writing me a fanfic for Christmas! I chose JA, Regency setting, Mansfield Park, and then randomly assigned (in Excel) all the main young people into couples. So it'll be interesting what she does with them and how she manages to get some of the odd couplings going.

I had difficulty sleeping last night, so my eyes have been sore all day. I fell asleep on the train both coming and going. The Economics book (Small is Beautiful... bit like Rob Rist's lectures :P), is going well. He makes so many good points and I nod all the way through. His whole premise is that economics has become too important in society, business, politics, etc. The reason why the prominence is so dangerous is that economics doesn't really look at people or their welfare and society is built on more than the flow of goods and services. Anyway, not going to preach here. If you're interested, you can borrow it after me.

Alright, back to work, then maybe a game of AOE2... haven't played it for a while! :)

Economics Me

2004-12-16T22:09:00.000+11:00

I'm reading a book on Economics "If People Mattered". It's quite interesting. It was written quite a few years ago (20-30) and I really think what he's saying is all true... or most has come true. It makes me cringe reading it though, because I am a product of our western, post-modern society. It has made me think about going and living on a farm for a year or so to see if I could adjust to a simpler life style. It's bringing back a lot of school economics and I can hear Mr. Tanyn's (gosh can't remember how it's spelt!) voice again going on about the "Suzanne" effect (this goes with this goes with this goes with that). I really liked him. Very dry sense of humour. Very knowledgeable but humble. So it's quite a tug of war. On one hand, I'm planning on becoming a Soames Forsyte (The Man of Property), but on the other hand, I think rustication in the country might be better. I could learn to ride a bike, to ride a horse. Horticulture. Get stung by bees. That sort of thing. I could always move to Tarlee (SA, home of my sister-in-law's parents) and work around the farm there.

On a completely different note, I came in to watch the last 20 mins of Richie Benaud's test side. It was quite funny listening to Dad go on as Richie was going through his team. I still would've chosen McGrath. I love McGrath. He's such a tidy, calm (mostly), precise bowler. Of course my knowledge of cricket and cricketers only goes back about 15 years, and mainly Aussie sides, and mainly those fellahs that I really liked, but McGrath definitely. I'm thinking of spending an entire day over the christmas break sitting with dad on the lounge watching cricket. A real getting-back-to-my-roots moment. I have great memories of sitting down in the summer holidays, watching cricket, or drifting off in the heat with Richie's commentary going as I lay on the lounge. Richie's really going to leave a big hole when he retires. He came to the Genesian once! hehe Eric was patted on the back and shook his hand. That was a moment. I just watched from afar (a few paces away). I suppose you had to be in the play to get a hand-shake. :P

I bought some more christmas gifts today, and even wrapped them. But I keep adding more people to my list of christmas gifts. I need to figure something out for my godchild/cousin Laura. I got Amanda (other godchild/cousin) something today, but I can't think of anything for Laura. Need to get it tomorrow cos the folks are going up to Katoomba and seeing them all on Sunday whilst I'm at Bunny's Soiree. I know what I'm getting for our secret santa on Sunday. Hehehe I think it's fun. I got a box of peppermint Lindt chocolates from the KK at work. It was so funny, cos I bought a roll of wrapping paper, cos I needed to wrap my present, but I didn't want to take it home. I thought some of the guys might be buying their presents at lunch and need to wrap theirs. I was right of course, my whole team gave out identically wrapped and tagged presents. But then my boss Waran exclaims that he had me, and I would know because he borrowed my christmas paper. If he had thought it through a bit more, I would have known it was one of my team. Of course, I knew who everyone else had in my team anyway, so it wouldn't've worked for him, but he didn't know I knew all theirs (they were asking for advice on what to get). It's cute how guys are quite hopeless in some areas.

I also got my christmas cards, and have written a list of people to send them out to. I'd better get started on writing in them, otherwise Christmas will be over before I get around to it. As one of the guys updates his board every day, it's only 10 sleeps until Christmas! Unbelieveable.

PS. I ate some chicken today (2 legs). But no potatoes sorry. Had some pop-eye food though which was great.

J Me

2004-12-15T18:53:00.000+11:00

Well, in tribute to J who thinks my BLOG is too depressing, here is a :)

There was a christmas card (my first for this year!) waiting for me at home from K and Scott (Well from K and she adds scott at the end cos that's what females do. Males don't seem to care much). That was very nice. I think I might go buy some christmas cards and send them to people. I had already thought of sending K a letter one of these days, but simply never got around to it. Now that she has, it reduces the thought I had because now it seems that I'm just returning the favour. I think bunny will understand me if no one else does.

I bought bunny a present today. I think she'll love it. I hope she doesn't have it though. It's very nice. :)

I had a pretty good day at work today- the people are so nice. It's such a pleasure to work with human beings who have compassion and think and feel. We were all sitting around at 4pm not doing much work- the guys were playing their little car racing game, and I had gone downstairs to get a much needed chocolate and I admit I got a V. So I was eating my chocolate while Simon was taking me through all the courses that he made to race, and Nej was just enjoying winning (although he did come last in one of them) and chatting, and it was just nice. I'm also learning a lot about relationships from them. For instance, both those guys are so devoted to their girlfriends. They do everything together! The guys even seem to not do things like watch TV and play computer cos their girlfriend's ask them not to. They even paint their girlfriend's nails!! I was like WOW! It was completely different to what I'd experienced. It really is like the g/f has them wrapped around their fingers. They're completely enthralled. We came to the conclusion that I had missed out on an introductory booklet as a girl because I didn't crack a whip and "suffered" my b/f to do all his own things. It's just amazing, cos I tried to supress all those urges cos I thought it was expecting too much, and yet, it seems to be normal!! I need to buy that book on ebay! I'll have to sell my cut toenails or something :P

It was very refreshing and a nice chat, which I desperately needed cos I had a rough lunch and came back absolutely drained, depressed and I felt like I was going to faint at one stage- the second time ever I've felt like that. Not a good thing to feel, especially not at work. So the chocolate came in handy, as did the V and the chat with the fellahs. I also learnt that Nej likes AOE, so I shall be bringing in the game so we can play it over the computers sometime :P

There was a downside to this revealing chat though. They found out that I cooked a lot and liked to give my b/f nice things to take to work, etc, so they've ordered some cakes and cookies. I might make them some one time :P I like cooking for people. I might just adopt the fellahs as my new people to dote on.

Anyway, at lunch I thought I had fallen off the rollercoaster ride that has been my life lately and hit absolutely rock bottom. But after a few hours (and some aforementioned chocolate), I realised that I was in the exact same position as I was 2 days ago, and that I had to treat it in the same way. Treat it as an indulged day- dream, stop myself from dwelling and move on. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, don't worry. I sometimes don't either! But suffice to say that yesterday I had regained a lot of hope, and today, lost it again. But who knows what will happen in the future. I will continue to ride my rollercoaster, and try to enjoy it as much as I can. I have things to continue to look forward to and plan for and achieve, and nothing has changed there. I have new clothes to wear and people to smile at and Grumpy to hug. So no, not the end of the world. I can wait, and what's more, I can wait cheerfully with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face.

Now to finish off, I am attempting some poetry (which I suck at). I call it: Ode to J

J said my blog was depressing:
That it needed some happier dressing:
"Chicken and potatoes
Take away your woes"
We'll see if I try, I'm guessing

Yeah... not too great, but not too shabby :P I'm expecting some gourmet potatoes from your cookbook now!

Bridesmaid Me!

2004-12-13T22:02:00.000+11:00

I'm going to be a bridesmaid! I'm so excited! First time I've actually made it! Congrats to G and Bek. Very happy!!! :D :D :D

Sunday I went to the theatre and helped out with bump in for Forsyte Saga, although most of it was spent watching the rehearsals. It's not a bad adaptation. I still wish they could put a bit more in, but it's a big 3 books to cover in a few hours. The cast is great, and it's fun to hear all the bloopers as they're rehearsing.

I also managed to buy mum and dad their christmas present, which leaves Mat & Peta, the twins, Joel & Louise, Josh and Bek to go. I have an idea for a few of these people, but not for others. I think I've decided what I'm going to try to get my kris kringle at work as well. I just have to find it.

We also saw Team America last night. That was some whacky stuff! It was very funny, and poor wittle North Korean leader (gosh I can't remember his name) was so cute. Especially when he sang "I'm so wonelwy". Still, some pretty awful moments, very crude, very shudder and "I can't believe they did that" moments.

Work is good. If not for one thing, I'd be on cloud nine- everything would've finally been coming together. But I'm not dwelling.

I just got back from youth group. We sang the 12 Days of Christmas in the round where everyone gets a particular day and we go around singing our bits. It was pretty funny. As the icebreaker, they had a big "dice" with something on each side. The sides were: "What was your favourite christmas present?", "What was your most memorable Christmas moment?", "Tell a secret", "Dare", "What shoe size are you?" and "Make a promise for Christmas". I got make a promise. The only thing I could think of was "I will try not to mope about". It's going to be tough. I thought I was going so well on Saturday, especially after my horrible Friday, but then halfway through Sunday, I got sad, and hearing the news, although great and I'm really happy, also made me grow sad for my own state. I can't help being selfish right now. I suppose it's more sad cos I always thought he'd be there to share in the great day, and I couldn't help thinking he won't see me all dressed up and everything. Even on Saturday, after I bought all these really nice clothes, all I wanted to do was dress up and show him.

I can't help the fact that I miss him so much, that I still feel so much for him. But the truth stares me back in the face: he doesn't, and there's nothing I can do about it. I wouldn't want him to be with me for any other reason than that he wants to, and he doesn't want to. It hurts, it makes me sad. But there's nothing I can do, even though I'd try anything really. At times like this I always get the last song of 10 Things I Hate About You stuck in my head: "I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I'm begging you to beg me..."

Ugh! I'm NOT DWELLING.

I still feel however that I would've rathered never gone out to having gone out and feel like this, to have it fail like this. I can't help but feel that way. I'd rather us still be together and since we can't, we never to have been together. I would've gone to England or done something else- I could've been a huge star by now by doing more theatre shows! :P Instead I'm stuck with the worser (imo) alternative and all I can do is go through it and wait for memories to fade and other things fill up my time :'(

So I'm going to have a shower.

Ugh! I really am excited about it all!! Congrats again :D

Shopping Me

2004-12-11T16:46:00.000+11:00

I just went and bought heaps of clothes. My bank balance is looking a bit worse for wear, especially since I transferred a few hundred into my savings account as well. I bought about 3 skirts, 2 dresses and 5 tops. Hopefully this should last me most of summer since I don't particularly like clothes shopping.

I think I'm going to dress up for bunny's soiree :D

I also bought The Return of the King, the extended edition and The Chronicles of Riddick, which I didn't even know came out. So I really need to not spend any money for quite a few weeks. Except for the christmas present shopping... oh well. I enjoy christmas present shopping.

We're doing Kris Kringle at work as well, and I need to find something small for one of the ladies. I don't know the person I have particularly well, but the limit is $10, so there's not much to get her anyway. I just can't think of anything atm.

Christmas Party Me

2004-12-11T13:04:00.000+11:00

Well that sucked. Mainly I suppose cos it was raining and I wasn't in the mood for polite chit-chat with people I didn't know. Plus most of my team wasn't even there, so I ended up hanging around people who I didn't know. I suppose I could've got to know them, but refer to my previously mentioned crappiness, plus they were all complaining that it sucked. I left quite early, after one drink and no food (they were just starting to serve some of it- little hamburgers and hot dogs, etc). I thought I'd go to a cafe in Burwood and have a light meal and read my book, but the trains were all late, so I ended up getting there in time to meet up with Bunny. I got absolutely soaked to the skin walking to Milson's Pt station and walking down Burwood Rd, and my feet are still blackened from the dye in my leather sandals running due to said soaking, even after a hard scrub when washing.

I did meet up with Bunny and after she listened to my woes for the upteenth time she said something that really made me think and kinda jerked me out of it. Well, as I was driving on the way home. So no more mentioning anything about hurt, pain, heart ache and suchlike. It doesn't mean I'm not feeling it, just that I can't afford to continually dwell on it all.

We (bunny, mark and I) saw Oceans 12 which was quite shockingly meh. Jerky camera angles started making me feel sick, the plot was try-hard: it didn't reach the level of cleverness of the first one, but tried oh so hard. Bunny called it eye-candy, but I didn't even get that since I'm not a huge Pitt or Clooney fan. I just found that it kept dragging on: a definite no-no for a movie goer to be feeling quite early on in the movie and constantly throughout it. Mary's annoyed with me cos I saw it. Oh well, Julia was just as annoying as she usually is. I also got quite cold in the cinemas with my hair, clothing and shoes being quite damp. My feet at the end of the movie were quite cold even though I spent the last half of the movie stamping and moving them around. All in all, quite a miserable night (although the movie was the highlight). I would've infinitely preferred to snuggle up and watch a video with... anyway. Not dwelling.

I think I'm going to help out with Bump In at the theatre tomorrow- should be fun :)

New Spring Me

2004-12-09T19:30:00.000+11:00

So I'm reading New Spring (prequel to the Wheel of Time) and I've fallen in love with Jordan's writing and story all over again. It's a pity he loses the appeal in the real series- most likely because he makes it too complicated and has too many characters, so we get a single chapter about half the characters, and there goes one book! Still, I'm quite impressed. I'm enjoying it so much that I'm half way through reading it only after 2 days, and I'm contemplating reading it tonight instead of being on the computer doing my usual thing.

I shouldn't've bought it really- I've been so good with not buying books- but last week was so crappy, I ended up buying 4. I should finish them all within the year :P

Hot off the press: G just messaged me with this exciting news. Although only for Babylon 5 fans I'm sure. But I'm excited. I hope it's not crap. I might have a B5 party and prepare food for it for all those interested... which means G, Bek and maybe Eric.

Hrmm.. had a fairly good day at work today, although I had to write a report on why something went wrong. It couldn't say "we blame you cos you gave us the wrong data" though, so it was quite hard. Still, we have a resident perfectionist, Ben, who likes to polish emails until they glow from within. He's a funny guy. Our level has a soccer team that plays at the Ultimo place. Supposedly they sometimes have mixed teams. I wonder if some females would be interested in forming a team and playing. They seem to have great fun.

Anyways, I want to read my book. It's more interesting than thinking of things to write here.

Insurance Me

2004-12-07T19:47:00.000+11:00

I have to pay car insurance. Ouch. There goes a chunk of my first pay, which I'm still waiting on. It's going to take me a while to get used to getting paid monthly.

I've been sleeping awfully lately. I didn't sleep well on the Grudge night, even though I wasn't scared, I'd just keep thinking of scenes and things like that. The rest of the nights, I've woken up around 5am after a series of dreams about breaking up with A. I'm getting sick of those dreams. Quickly.

Work has been busy and fulfilling. I'm learning quite quickly, so everyone keeps saying, I can't see how quickly I'm learning really. It's just VBA- there's not much to know. I leave around 5:30pm cos that's when most people are gone from the office, and there doesn't seem any point sticking around, but the trains are so packed at that time. So I'm going to start leaving around 5pm, and get home by 6pm. Unheard of!

I worked last night on some of the contracting stuff, so that's a few more bucks in my pocket which is nice to know. Plus it gave me something to do to keep myself occupied.

I have 3 days off after Christmas and I really want to go somewhere and do something. But I can't think where, and with whom. I don't particularly want to go off by myself, but I don't want to go with a large group. The person I was wanting to go with is no longer an option, so it looks like it's Cricket with Dad on the couch for the few days. Can't be all that bad. Maybe it can :P

My eyes are so sore! I think it'll be an early night for me tonight. I woke up with a bad headache this morning too. They've been escalating for the last few days- I can feel it building up each day.

Fall in the Light Lori Carson/Graeme Revell (Strange Days)
It's in this moment, Hold on
When everything has come apart
It's in this moment
Right now
When it can come together

Raise your sights
What's there to lose?

Fall in the light

In all this trouble, Hold on
To the innocence with which you were born
There's so much struggle
Be strong
Find the faith you need to carry on

It's a long night
You're not alone

Fall in the light

Sweet air
It falls into place
Sun through the haze
Doesn't it feel a
Little like grace

It's in this moment, Hold on
When everything has come apart
It's in this moment
Right now
When everything - come together

Raise your soul
What's there to lose

Fall in the light

Grudge Me

2004-12-05T17:06:00.000+11:00

I saw The Grudge with Nathan and Daniel today. I was kinda disappointed. It was scary, but not as bad as The Ring I thought. It was spoilt by the idiot females sitting behind us who would scream at all the wrong moments, and then chat through the rest of it. Funny cos that's exactly what happened to G and Bek. The boys, as predicted, found great amusement in watching me jump, and huddle down in my chair. I find it amazing that I know exactly what's going to happen, and what to expect, etc, and yet I still get tense and jump.

But it was nice to go out and see a movie again- haven't done it for a while. We also bumped into Stephanie and her husband Brendon, which was great. She was looking fantastic (even though she said she wasn't feeling top notch). They're going off to live in Canada soon, and then France, until after a few years they'll come back (perhaps) and settle here. I'm sad that we let our friendship slide a bit in the past year, but she's going well, and so I can't be anything but happy for her.

I've also written myself a nice long list of achievements to well... achieve. I know it's not New Years yet, but I thought I'd get a head start. I'm hoping to have things getting ticked off around March next year. And no, I'm not posting them here. You shall have to hear about them from me, or through the grapevine.

G wants me to write him a Mrs. Danvers soliloquy for a workshop he wants to put on. I actually sat down this morning and started working out what I wanted it to be, the setting, where it fits into the book, etc. I also re-read parts of the book where she confronts the narrator. I've decided that it will be in three parts, callled: Mrs. Danvers: a diatribe in three parts.

Very imaginative I know! *re*

After a very low, bad day yesterday, where I ate only a banana and a little bit of cheese all day, cried a lot and generally had an "oh woe is me all the time" day, I've decided that I need to proactively work on accepting the final, irrevocable decision that A made about us. So, if you don't see me around, it's cos I'm working on making myself better and getting over A. I need to do this on my own, make new friends, keep myself busy and start dusting off some of my old dreams of conquering the world as a fiesty career girl hacker. *cough* *splutter* I hear you all go. Wait until I take over your computers and bring down the banks! .

Nah really, I'm going to be making myself busy and doing all sorts of things that I thought might be nice but never had time cos I rathered spend it with A. So even though I still would rather have spent it with A, he doesn't want to, and I have to accept it. We'll see how long this current mood of activity and working for a future lasts before I slump. I generally always do. Stay away from me around Friday and Saturday- they're the days that I feel the crappiest. I've actually found listening to all my music before I started going out with A helps a lot. Funny how listening to it takes me back to when I was single, and all the thoughts and feelings I had then.

I will say this however, what is it with guys who think that they can be friends after breaking the girl's heart? I've been chatting with some older friends (now married), and they were telling me stories of their failed love "affairs" and I could identify myself in most of them. It's like a male-female incompatibility saga that has lasted as long as humanity. We really do speak a different language, and have completely different ideas and feelings and ways of expressing them. I suppose it's some consolation: it happens to every female who loves a male.

Boy's birthday on Tuesday- that's a definite plus. The little mite is turning 11 and I've had his present sitting in my special present hiding place (wardrobe) for half a year now. I still need to buy a few christmas presents, although I don't know what to get my parents... or my brother and sister in law... or my new little nephew and niece. I just realised the other day as well that I won't be able to visit Joel, Louise, Josh and the new addition (when she delivers) in January since I'll be at work. I might go over for a weekend- just have to dip into my savings. I'll be an aunty of four by January! Quite amazing really. A bit saddening as well. By the time I get around to having kids (if at all), their cousins will be so much older than they.

This week I have choir and that's about it (apart from Boy's birthday). ooh and Christmas party (forgot about that). That leaves me with Monday and Thursday nights to find something for me to do, and then the weekend, although I might try seeing a Terry Pratchet play on Sat. It's Craig and Lisa's first anniversary. I loved how he got her this lovely present with lots of paper wrapping and cushioning. It's nice to know some guys can be thoughtful. K's birthday this weekend as well! Pity I can't fly over and wish her a happy birthday! So there are quite a lot of things to do! yay! Might finally see if mum and mary want to go shopping as well. Except I don't want to be spending too much money anymore.

ooh it sounds and smells like it's going to storm soon! Bliss!

Dream Me

2004-12-04T10:03:00.000+11:00

My dreams have been sad lately (un-surprisingly). Thursday night's dream was most disturbing. Basically I was living in a house on a farm with 5 other people (no one really that I know, but we were all quite close- kinda family like). There were basically 3 older people and 3 younger people. One day, one of the older people (Person1) came up to me and this other person (Person2) and said that he could see these giant spider-like creatures that communicated with him. We (Person2 and I) scoffed at him, but he acted quite convincingly, and then one of the giant spiders actually moved Person2, even though we couldn't see it.

So once we were believers, we asked Person1 what they wanted. They wanted someone to go out with them and we got the impression that someone would have to be kinda sacrificed. Of course, all 3 of us didn't want to "help" them out, but we started getting threatened. We tried to keep it from the younger kids (this happened over the course of a few days), but everything escalated, and one of us had to do something, otherwise we'd all die. So all 3 of us accompanied the giant spiders (there were 3 of them moving around in our house) outside. The oldest of the younger kids (Kid1), male, came outside and demanded to know why we were all acting strangely lately, and we got annoyed with him and tried to tell him to go back in the house, but he wouldn't.

Person1 and Kid1 got annoyed with each other, and Person1 pushed him towards the house, and they had a fight, and Kid1 fell and landed on a spike-like thing and died. The 3 spiders materialised in front of us older ones and scooped up the blood and took it to one of the barns (attached to the house), where we saw that there were large ghostly eggs. In shock and horrified, we all realised that they needed blood from one of us to fertilise/feed their brood, and that this brood would devour and spread across the world. (Note1: To add to our sorrow/horror, the person didn't have to die, so if one of us had merely cut ourselves (not mortally), we could've used that. So our fear got in the way and caused the uneccessary death of Kid1.)

They then left us to deal with a close member (son-like) who was dead and we having contributed to the doom of the world. There were lots of other confusing scenes, but it basically came down to the fact that we would have to burn everything in order to save the world. We somehow knew that the spiders and their brood were contained within the house/barn until the young hatched. If any of us left, the spider could kinda attach itself to us and continue to spread. So it was burn the house, with us and the spiders in it. The spiders of course didn't want this, and preyed upon our fears of death, and of killing the other people in the family. (Note2: The irony of even if we had saved Kid1 by one of us being brave, he would be dying a much worse death anyway).

This was further confusing cos it kept repeating in my dream- sometimes we'd douse the house with oil and start lighting it quickly, sometimes Person1 or Person2 would run out and loose the brood. The one that was most common was someone had a gun and shot everyone and then themselves once we knew the house was almost burnt. But that plagued upon me. Was that suicide (the shooting), or because we knew with utter certainty that there was no way out for us, was it just sacrifice? That's how I woke up- with that puzzling thought.

So yeah, another strange dream to add to my score of strange dreams, where I usually die. I just found it odd, and am wondering if there is any hidden meaning in it. I know I have a sacrificial tendencies, and even sometimes illusions of heroism (saving the world, etc), but why spiders? Why puzzling over the suicide or not suicide question?

Anyway, it was a better dream than others I've had lately- of a more personal nature- where I wake up and realise that it's actually not just a dream (of breaking up) and I really am alone. Or I wake up and realise that it was just a dream (of being together and happy), and I'm not with him anymore. That's the problem with sleeping- dreams, as Hamlet once stated in his famous soliloquy (although he was talking a different sleep). He had become such a normal, natural, staple "character" in my dreams, that now we are no longer, I am haunted even in sleep.

I need to re-sojourn and find a new temporary resting place.

Pink Rose Me

2004-12-02T21:41:00.000+11:00

I met up with Bunny after work to buy a present for Simon, and she presented me with some lovely pale pink roses. Thanks a bunch ;) dear! I went and looked up some meanings of flowers, and decided that my flower atm is a white poppy. White poppies mean consolation because Ceres made them to console herself during her time of grief and separation from her daughter Proserpine.

Other interesting flower meanings are:

BACHELOR BUTTON - Single Blessedness
CAMELLIA (PINK) - Longing for you
CARNATION (PINK) - I'll Never Forget You
CARNATION (RED) - My Heart Aches For You, Admiration
CARNATION (SOLID COLOR) - Yes
CARNATION (STRIPED) - No, Refusal, Sorry I Can't Be With You, Wish I Could Be With You
CARNATION (YELLOW) - You Have Disappointed Me, Rejection
CHRYSANTHEMUM (YELLOW) - Slighted Love
CYCLAMEN - Resignation and Good-bye
DAFFODIL - Regard, Unrequited Love, You're the Only One, The Sun is Always Shining when I'm with You
GERANIUM - Stupidity, Folly
GLADIOLI - Give Me a Break, I'm Really Sincere, Flower of the Gladiators
HEATHER (LAVENDER) - Admiration, Solitude
HYACINTH (PURPLE) - I am Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Sorrow
HYACINTH (YELLOW) - Jealousy
HYDRANGEA - Thank You for Understanding, Frigidity, Heartlessness
IVY - Wedded Love, Fidelity, Friendship, Affection
LARKSPUR (PINK) - Fickleness
LILY (YELLOW) - I'm Walking on Air, False and Gay
LILY OF THE VALLEY - Sweetness, Tears of the Virgin Mary, Return to Happiness, Humility, You've Made My Life Complete
MARIGOLD - Cruelty, Grief, Jealousy
MONKSHOOD - Beware, A Deadly Foe is Near
ORANGE BLOSSOM - Innocence, Eternal Love, Marriage and Fruitfulness
PEONY - Shame, Happy Life, Happy Marriage
PETUNIA - Resentment, Anger, Your Presence Sooths Me
PINE - Hope, Pity
POPPY (GENERAL) - Eternal Sleep, Oblivion, Imagination
POPPY (WHITE) - Consolation
PRIMROSE - I Can't Live Without You
PRIMROSE (EVENING) - Inconstancy
ROSE (WHITE-DRIED) - Death is Preferable to Loss of Virtue
ROSE (YELLOW) - Decrease of Love, Jealousy, Try to Care
ROSEBUD (WHITE) - Girlhood
SPIDER FLOWER - Elope with Me
SWEETPEA - Good-bye, Departure, Blissful Pleasure, Thank You for a Lovely Time
TULIP (VARIEGATED) - Beautiful Eyes
VIOLET (BLUE) - Watchfulness, Faithfulness, I'll Always Be True
VIOLET (WHITE) - Let's Take a Chance

I'd like to know a flower that means delicateness, gentleness, giving, despair, resignation and enduring... hehehe I'll call the flower shellara ;-)

umm.. I don't really have anything else to say. I bumped into Matt today coming out of work and supposedly Betty works in the same building as I! It's so hard to actually bump into someone you know in Sydney. Although I did bump into Audrey and Tony the other day when going to Ian's pre-dinner birthday drinks.

Saw quite a few other bits of nice jewellery, but refrained from buying any. I'm hoping to see The Grudge on the weekend with the youth group leaders. I'm trying to convince them to see it during the day since I have no one to snuggle up to and turn my face into. I'm not so sure I should really see it with these people. Being mostly males, they'll probably all laugh at me and tease me. Oh well, I really want to see it. Have no idea why.

Bed time now- getting up early to drive to Burwood and get to the city.

Immortal Me

2004-11-29T22:01:00.000+11:00

Note to self: listening to Evanescence, especiall My Immortal is not good in my current state.

As cally pointed out, I found out that we were both part of the same company, and therefore going to the same christmas party at luna park! Quite exciting to know someone else there, especially since the two people I talk to most won't be there.

I went jewellery shopping today- mainly cos I wanted to get a new battery for my watch, but it cost the same amount of money to buy a new watch, so I bought a new one. I've also been meaning to get some nice jewellery for a while now, but never got around to it. But since I have a lot of spare cash nowadays and I feel like crap, I thought I would splurge on myself. Here are some action shots:

Doesn't really do them justice.

I'm off to bed- exhausted!

Netbank Me

2004-11-25T20:33:00.000+11:00

Netbank is broken. I can't get in to pay my HCF bill. Oh well, tomorrow.

Work is continuing to go well. People are smiling at me and saying hello, and I'm slowly learning more people's names. I'm also doing some rehauling of code, which it desperately needs, so I'm busy. Not too busy to not spend at least an hour (over the day) chatting with my team. Work is slowing up, and so are we. I was also invited to their Christmas party at Luna park. It goes for 5 hours! eep!

The best part about work is that my bosses all have a really good sense of humour and are very nice. I'm already bringing DVDs in for my immediate boss to borrow. He has a very dry sense of humour and is one of those people who can say funny things, and be joking most of the time without you realising it. It's going to take me a while to judge when he's joking and not joking. I've basically been told by the rest of my team, that he's usually always mucking around.

Tomorrow is Fujitsu's christmas party, and then I'll most likely meet up with some choir friends for a movie. It's nice how so many of my friends aren't letting me mope about. Thanks for lunch today Buns! I could've gone for a movie with some friends tonight as well, but I need a break and I need some time alone. I also need a rest and some good sleep!

Boy is storming through the books (up to the last one) and he doesn't even ask me to read to him anymore- he much rather's read them himself. It's a good sign, except I really enjoyed reading to him. He's just not a little boy anymore.

Dad is continuing to be in a lot of pain. He comes home every day and seems to be able to walk less and less. I'm getting worried about him. He got his promotion at work, but I don't know how long he is going to be able to continue working. The doctor's don't know what to do- it's not clearing up as they had hoped. It seems that the crystals are forming and he's growing clumps of bone-like material around his joints. It's not a good sign cos it makes the actual bones themselves more brittle.

Perhaps next year will be a year of good things?

What happend to us? -- Hoobastank
I thought it was too good to be true
I found somebody who understands me.
Someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness I had inside me.

But you kept inside, and I just denied
Some things that we should have both said.
I knew it was too good to be true
Cause I'm the only one who understands me.

What happend to us? We used to be so perfect.
Now we're lost and lonely.
What happend to us? And deep inside I wonder
Did I lose my only?

Remember they thought we were too young
to really know what it takes to make it.
But we had survived off of what we had done.
So we could have shown them all that they're mistaken.
But who could have known, the lies that would grow,
until we could see right through them.
Remember they knew we were too young, we still dont know what it takes to make it.

What happend to us? We used to be so perfect.
Now we're lost and lonely.
What happend to us? And deep inside I wonder,
did I lose my only one....?

We could have made it work, we could have found a way.
We should have done our best to see another day.
But we kept it all inside, until it was too late
and now we're both alone, the consequence we pay,
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away.

What happend to us? We used to be so perfect.
Now we're lost and lonely
What happend to us? And deep inside I wonder
Did I lose my only?

What happend to us?
What happend to us?
What happend to us?
What happend to us?

Oh woe is Me

2004-11-24T22:32:00.000+11:00

I caught myself at least 4 times today seeing something, thinking of something to remember to tell him later.

Saw a man with a large, french, twisted moustache. Thought A would've loved it!
There was a few punch buggies on the road
They have free biscuits supplied at work, and one of the ones is a choc chip biscuit with a hint of orange that I thought I should smuggle some to him
I have half a tub of yun yun

If not for that, I think I would be great- the new job is looking up- I spent 3 hours with Belle working through some code that failed this morning, then had lunch, then spent the rest of the day doing little tasks and then finally got a function to program all by myself. I must admit, I'm finding it hard going back to VB after C#. C# is so much cleaner and nicer. Still, I'm getting paid a fair amount to sit around and do nothing much all day, PLUS I leave around 5 - 5:30, get in around 9am. Very nice.

Bunny said to me "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved". I still don't agree with that saying. I don't see why it's better. Better for the experience? What of having the physical/emotional/mental anguish of having to tear yourself out of someone else? I suppose "time heals all wounds" and with time I won't feel as bad as now. But I still maintain that I'd rather not love if I'm going to lose. Let's measure my attitude over the next few months/years as time tries to heal my hurt, and see if it changes.

Day 2 Me

2004-11-23T22:14:00.000+11:00

Day 2 of the rest of my life (as my dad put it this morning when telling me to smile), is almost over. Thank goodness. I'm exhausted. After a semi-boring day at my new job, only because I don't have that much work to do cos I don't know how to do anything, I went to the theatre for the reading for School for Scandal. It was quite fun, just annoying that I had to catch a train home, so left early. Thanks to Bek who encourages me to come out and socialise and keeps sending me sms' to cheer me up.

So far, I haven't had much of a chance to just sit and read or sit and watch one of the movies I bought with Gaby and Daphne on the weekend, or the series' I've been waiting to watch with that other person. I've been too busy getting home late, having meetings, going to play readings and working on the contracting stuff. But, as I said, it's only day 2. I'm sure soon I'll be so bored off my brain, I'll be dusting the house for something to do.

My feet hurt, which reminds me of something I wrote in my little leather journal I carry with me everywhere. I said something like

Things that shouldn't be done:

uncomfortable shoes
playing music on the trains that other people can hear
snoring on the train (the woman behind me was so loud this evening)
tell us that the next train is cancelled after the current one has already pulled out of the station

I'm sure there are heaps more.

The new job itself is going ok. I don't really know any of the people so I'm feeling lonely, but I try to compensate by keeping myself constantly busy. I'm sure it's just a matter of time as well. It still has an unreal quality to it as well- I'm working in a biig company, for another large company. I'm wearing suits every day, I'm being professional, etc, basically everything I always wanted up until 2nd year uni, but I'm so miserably depressed and feeling like I'm out of place. My only consolation is that I think about moving out, having a nice place to live at home and where I can get home early, cook myself some dinner, watch a movie and go to sleep. Not much of a dream. I'm sure mendel would pay me out. But then he usually does pay me out about anything resembling me being feminine. For some reason that strikes me as odd, since I AM a female. Obviously in today's society if you happen to actually enjoy doing stereotypical female type things, it's a social sin. *shrug* I don't care much for society.

I'm going to stop here, because my bitterness and unhappiness is oozing through no matter how hard I'm trying to suppress it.

BJD Me

2004-11-22T21:26:00.000+11:00

I decided that I would have a similar entry to BJD2 (right at the end).

In the last week:

Number of heart breaks: 1

Number of new jobs started: 1

Number of nails broken: 1

Number of headache spikes: 2

Number of tears shed: countless

Heart broken Me

2004-11-21T10:16:00.000+11:00

I start my new job tomorrow.

I also broke up with my boyfriend and am devastated. I feel like I'm bleeding on the inside.

I did this test thing on bunny's page.

You Are the Loyalist

6

You have strong relationships and are intensely loyal.

People find you easy to love and care for.

You like your world to be stable and secure, no surprises.

You're cautious. You prefer your inner circle to the outside world.

What number are you?

Sleep me

2004-11-17T09:56:00.000+11:00

Mark sent me an article on burnout and sleep deprivation. It's funny cos I never wake up feeling refreshed. I always wake up thinking, do I really have to get up now? My eyes are usually bleary and sore and my headache is always there. I think I shall have to start being better at going to sleep and eating properly so that I can get that deep sleep needed for a refreshing sleep. I almost got to the point yesterday where I thought, I might have a collapse, I'm so tired, stressed and exhausted. Of course I didn't. I just kept plowing on, and managed to actually do some stuff. My mum was incensed at the amount of work I had to do and the hours I was pulling. She wanted to ring up my boss and tell him off... hehehe mum's never change I suppose from when you're a little girl, to when you're not so little.

She did make some good comments though which I know and I fully agree with, but she has a way of putting them. For instance, it's because workers like me agree to work for little money and then force themselves to pull long hours in order to get the work done, that allow the big corporations to rake in the big bucks, to not hire more workers and to continue to expect ridiculous deadlines. So I'm contributing to the IT death cycle. My apologies.

I had to stop writing what I was saying to do some urgent work, so I've lost my train of thought, and wht I was going to say for the rest of this post. Oh well, short and sweet!

Work me

2004-11-16T21:33:00.000+11:00

Lots and lots of work. Not much sleep. Me tired... eyes sore.

Looking forward to going to my new job. I'm taking Thursday off to sleep and as my last day of freedom. I wish I could've had another week before I start working and go on a holiday somewhere to relax, unwind and refresh.

I don't really have much to say. I'm just very tired.

HL2 came out, so that's the end of all my male friends. I'll just have to go back to playing BG2 or writing fanfic in my spare time... if I ever manage to get some. Alternatively, I can continue working for this contracting during the nights after my full time work.

*oh woe is me*

Employed Me

2004-11-09T19:36:00.000+11:00

Anyway, as you can see by the number of posts lately that have the word "interview" in it, I went for an interview today. Actually, it was the second interview, and I was offered the job! woohoo! As per my agreement with myself, I took the job. So I'm going back into the city and the IT industry fold, and working for Fujitsu :D

This does mean however that I can't go on my overseas trip for at least another year. It also means that I:

get to read lots of books again cos I'm catching the sh1tty rail trains

get to have lunch with other city people more often

get to have a stable income that means I can save more (or move out)

get to have a celebratory dinner that you're all invited to

get out of home more often (maybe entirely!)

have people to physically talk to during the day... besides my mum... actually no, I'm home more often than she is

have the satisfaction of leaving work at a particular time and not thinking about work until I walk in the door the next day

I'll be working for one of Fujitsu's clients for the first year or so, at the client site, but it's a big company and there is heaps of room for branching out into something different. The client site just so happens to be right near the Genesian Theatre!! ;) The work will mainly be VB and VBA (something I'm not worried about, being VB Queen at uni), and mainly in support for a few months, but there's room even within the client company to move around and have my fingers in a few projects. Plus I'm not a bad debugger I don't think.

Now all I have to do is move out of home...

Idol Me

2004-11-09T10:12:00.000+11:00

I went to Australian Idol last night with my sister and my mum. It was quite interesting- the first Idol show I'd ever actually seen. The set is quite a lot smaller than I thought it would be, and what it looks like on TV. For all the pre-recorded stuff and ad breaks, it was interesting to see how bored the presenters looked. The judges just sat around doing nothing much... when they weren't being asked to sign autographs. Marcia wears a LOT of makeup!! It was verdict night, so there was only 2 songs- the one they did together and the one Courtney sang when he got voted off.

My sister got her friend to tape Idol for her, and we watched it through today (well, she watched it in my room, and I'd occassionally look over), and you could she her back quite a bit (we were a bit to the side of the judges). There is a very clear shot of me, standing behind Casey as she was singing. Maryann's was the hand that shot out in shot and grabbed Anthony's hand, as he was singing and coming back from the judge's table.

I was more interested in seeing behind-the-scenes type of stuff, and it wasn't all that much more interesting than working at the theatre. Although the big cameras they use are cool.

We had to get there way too early (between 6pm and 6:30pm for a 8:30pm start) and stand/sit around for way too long. Before the show started, someone entertained us and gave away a few prizes (the people in front of us in the line won the $250 maccas money for the best poster). Mary was distraught that no one picked her for one of the competitions, especially the singing one. I did win 2 tickets to the Enmore to see Jimeon, which I thought was next Wednesday, not tomorrow, so I couldn't go anyway! Bummer! It was quite funny how I won them. One of the guys was running around giving them out to people who were all "pick me pick me!!" (including my sister), and as he came around the side, I got up, as if I'd been standing around waving frantically for a while, and stepped out to the side (I was the last in the row) and waved in his face and said "ooh can I have one please please please". And he gave me them. Mary was very annoyed with me. She was almost tempted to swap seats with me. But she thought she would have more "air" time if she was closer to the judges. *shrug* mum and I were fighting for the seat furthest away from everything, and thinking we should've brought a book :P

But it wasn't as bad as I was dreading, although I think my eyes are strained from rolling them so much. If I didn't have a really bad sore throat, I may have actually enjoyed myself ;-)

Cold me

2004-11-07T20:32:00.000+11:00

I've got a cold :( Not very happy, since I have a hectic week at work- it's all due again time. I'm very much looking forward to when this all dies down (unknown time in the future), and I have to make myself go for a holiday.

So I'm boiling up some water for some china rose tea, and dreading tomorrow. I have to go to Chatswood, then drive back home to pick up my mum and sister, cos she has 3 tickets to Australian Idol, and then drive to where it is- somewhere near Ryde. Lots of driving whilst I'm feeling sick. But what's new really. I do everything when I'm sick or got a headache, and get no allowances.

I also went to Ron's farewell BBQ and it was nice. We chatted together for a while, and spoke mainly about subjects at school, how the UAI works and such cos Gabe finished his HSC last week. I've invited him over for a game of singstar sometime this week if he gets too bored at home.

I made a new vegetable dish and it was such a hit at home, that my mum made it again today. She made it better though I think. Or perhaps it was simply nice to have stuff made for me.

I'm looking forward to the theatre this Friday night. I haven't seen bunny for a very long time, and it'll be nice to sit and chat with her over dinner.

Off to have some tea.

Cook Me

2004-11-05T09:48:00.000+11:00

I had an interview yesterday and it went quite well. I have a feeling they are going to offer me the job. Now my problem is, do I want to take it. Pros and Cons:

Pros:

more money, stability and security

this means will probably move out or stay at home for another year and save up heaps and put a deposit on someplace and then move out and pay a mortgage

get to work back in the City

looks like there is varied work and opportunities for moving into different languages, projects and areas of the company (and even the company's clients)

Discipline and motivation (they've been slipping badly for me lately)

Work with people again (Simon (Vicky-Simon, BIT Simon from year below) was in the interview!! HAHAHA)

The culture of the place seems good. Supposedly can be hectic at times, but they have social things (trivia nights on a Thursday, etc).

The actual job is for a big contracting firm, so I'd be hired by them, but I'll be working at their client site, which gives me the opportunity of moving from client site to client site every year or so, and/or working on projects for my employer.

Cons:

It will involve 1 week, every 4 weeks of being on call (getting up at 6am and fixing bugs, staying back late until bugs are fixed, carrying around a laptop and pager, etc)

It will mean going back to a less flexible working structure (ie, I can't just take a day off whenever I feel like it)

I'll have to start waking up before 9am again

the initial work is more of a support/maintenance nature

I won't be able to go on my holiday to the UK... yet! (but I could save up and have more money to spend when I do go!)

So, it kinda looks like the pros outweigh the cons, cos a lot of those cons are a bit inconsequential. The biggest cons are missing out on my holiday and less flexible working structure and the "on-call" business. But they will probably pay more for that. They'd better.

What do you think?

After my interview yesterday, I walked around the city (tiring) and had lunch with Angus and then met up with G and gave him part 1 of his bday present (belated). I got the other part finally at Burwood BBC shop. I also now have christmas presents for maryann, andrew and G and andy's birthday present. I have a few ideas for a present for dad (just hope I don't forget them!) and an idea for Angus' present.

I then went to Angus' house to cook dinner for him, Lindy and I. Except Lindy went to work, so she ate it when she came home after 10pm. In order to cook dinner though, I had to get to the kitchen, which was piled with dirty dishes, so I spent 30 mins cleaning all that in between doing A's laundry (he's a lazy bum... that soccer jersey hadn't been cleaned for eons I'm sure). Then I spent an hour preparing dinner (cutting up all the vegetables and preparing the fish). But it was worth it all, cos it turned out really nice (vegetables especially... even though I drowned the fish in butter, garlic, white wine, onion, salt and pepper and ginger, it still tasted too much like fish for my liking). A complimented me with "it was the best meal [he'd] had in a long time"!! :D:D:D

So, I'm going to cook dinner for the family tonight- probably the same thing, except no sweet potato and more pumpkin. Although I'm not going to be home tonight, but I haven't cooked all week, and I really enjoy chopping up the vegetables and preparing it. I should go to the shops now to get it all) :D

Myer Me

2004-11-03T12:35:00.000+11:00

I became a member of the MYER one family a few months ago, considering that I love Myer, as bunny will confirm. BUT, I actually don't go there very often anymore since I no longer work in the City, and the Liverpool one isn't too crash hot. Plus bunny has been busy with her thesis, so I haven't had any shopping days with her recently. Must change this after your exams missy!!

Anyway, I got a letter in the snail mail today (hurray), but it was just Myer One spam (boo). Still, if I go shopping this weekend at Myer (which I wasn't planning on doing), I can save $10 if I spend over $75 on cosmetics, fragrances, whitegoods, electricals, cameras, etc. AND I could save $20 if I spend over $75 on clothing, sunglasses, wallets, jewellery, etc. SO I might actually pop into a Myer store if I have time and the inclination this weekend. I wouldn't mind buying some junk jewellery (it's always so lovely and sparkly!), and getting a fragrance for me. I also need to buy a nice photo album for someone as a going-away present anyway, so a trip to Myer is definitely in order. I might try to get Angus to come along, and he can buy some more of those shirts that he likes from Sportscraft.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I've been wanting to get a perfume that is my fragrance. Kinda like find a perfume that I really like and then will forever buy it until people associate it with me. The stupid thing is, I don't actually wear a lot of perfumes and smelly things. But I put that down to the fact that I've never really found one that I really like, nor can I usually be bothered spending that much money on it.

Mum's weekend last weekend went really well. I couldn't believe how big Joshie's gotten since I last saw him. He is such a happy little vegemite- he let me take him for walks around outside, he absolutely loves being outside and seeing the broom brooms (cars) and the broom brooms (mowers) and the leelooleeloos (birds) and the vrooooms (aeroplanes). He also enjoyed looking at all of Poppy's fish (leelooleeloos- funnily enough the same sound he gives to birds). He also is very aware when things are *blows* (hot), but is fascinated by things like the BBQ and anything that is slightly mechanical. He's a real little boy, and loves following his Dad around when daddy is fixing things. He doesn't say too much, but he's very aware and loves exploring things and places. He went to sleep one night with my funshine carebear, and I thought that was gorgeous. He enjoyed taking funshine for a stroller ride as well. I'm looking forward to getting some of the photos I took on Angus' camera when he gets around to pulling them down onto the computer. That's something else I want to get- my own digital camera, so I can spend my days (well the first few weeks whilst it's still a novelty), taking photos of things.

Anyway, I really should start work for the day- I got my legs waxed (ouch) and chatted with my friend this morning.

Enjoy the nice windy, blue day!

General Me!

2004-10-26T13:04:00.000+10:00

You are looking at the new Youth Leader at my Parish. Not terribly exciting, it just means I run meetings and organise people. I do that already, so it's great! :)

It's my mum's birthday today, and I haven't even seen her yet. Due to staying up late again this morning doing work, I slept in, and my mum took herself off to visit my grandparents.

I'm feeling a little ill this morning- generally exhausted and feeling bloated. I shouldn't've had the vanilla yoghurt with choc chips...

The result of all this is that I want to play Rise of Nations. I should really be doing work, but the result of staying up all night (or nearly) is that I really can't be bothered. Plus I've got a headache.

I'm very lazy aren't I?

Beautiful Mine

2004-10-21T19:34:00.000+10:00

Well I've been applying for any interesting jobs as they've come up in seek, and I have an interview tomorrow! Could've been timed better because as usual, work has just exploded so I'm working all day and night again. I haven't had any time to research into the company, nor brush up on my .NET skills (although I'm constantly programming in it). I'm getting a bit nervous, but at the same time, I know I don't need this job, so I'm going to go in relaxed and hoping to gain as much out of the interview as they. If I don't like it at all, then I'm not going to take it. I can afford to be a bit picky. Although I'd love to get a stable job and move out :D

The job itself is a development position, but should incorporate some analysis and documentation writing. It's at Ultimo, near Angus' soccer, which isn't the best location, but it shouldn't be too far away from Market City for the occassional lunch. I really just want to see what the environment is and stress levels are like. I don't want to go from this job into a more stressful one.

I had a good vent to my aunty today. My aunty and I have a tradition of her ringing up to talk to my mum and me being home and mum not. My mum is never home really, even though she's a housewife. We traded stories of looking after our younger brothers and sisters and just generally being overlooked. I shall have to visit her one of these days. I haven't seen their new house which is near Peter Sterlings :P... it's surrounded by bush and is supposed to be quite large. Perhaps a weekend away sometime.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I'm going to make a concerted effort not to worry about work at all until Monday (or maybe Sunday night). I'm simply going to do as much as I can until I'm too tired, then go to bed. Tomorrow morning I'll drop Boy off at school, do a bit of research into the company and then drive in. I'm spending the rest of the day walking around the City, then meeting up for dinner with Angus... possibly theatre afterwards as well :-)

Ok, I'd better go back to work...

Almost forgot! It's G's and my little goddaughter/cousin, Amanda's birthdays today. Hehehehehe G... you're getting old! :P

Taken for Granted

2004-10-18T17:03:00.000+10:00

Is exactly how I'm feeling atm with regards to my family in particular. I'm getting very tired of being treated like my younger brother and sister because I happen to still live at home. I also work at home, which means I'm infinitely more accessible, for ordering stupid memberships for stupid Leann Rimes sites with my Credit Card which is already owing money due to the fact that I don't get paid regularly and I just had to spend $600 in order to purchase tickets for my brother and sister-in-law to come over from Adelaide. I don't mind doing things for other people, but I require my space, and the ability to be treated like an adult for times more than when they want me to look after the kids.

I simply can't live at home anymore, but I'm tied here because of my stupid work and indecision of what I'm doing. After finding out about the 18 months retraining course and knowing that I'll have to have a part time job whilst doing full time uni again, I'm now going to see if I can get a proper IT job in an Office which is away from Home and this suburb.

*vent*

I think I let people walk over me too much, so from now on I'm going to just simply do what I want to do more often, and at least say bluntly what I want to do, what I think, etc. That, and take a holiday this weekend. Go anywhere- Blue Mountains preferably. Darn, except I wanted to go to the theatre this weekend to see The Lion in Winter, and Bek's The Boyfriend that she directed for USyd. Oh well, they're both not important if I miss them, in order to keep my sanity.

I hope I get paid this week, so I can go on a luxurious weekend away.

Something nice and positive:

It was great chatting with everyone yesterday at The Palace at Coogee. It was a pity that the weather wasn't as good as it had been the rest of the week. I had a particularly good chat with Cally and it's funny to find out how most of my friends are itching to move out... all to different areas of the City (or surrounding Sydney). I've been making lots of dinners at A's lately- mainly stews, which I love, and I've found that I can make easily. Last week we went through a bit of a stir fry phase. It just shows me that I'd really enjoy living out of home and buying groceries and cooking for myself. Most days at any rate! ;-)

Auto complete for IE sucks

2004-10-14T13:04:00.000+10:00

Yes it does. I'm using a new computer whilst at Chatswood, and all these stupid little settings like auto-complete are all on and rampant. I can't be bothered turning them off, plus it's not my machine, so etiquette requires me not to fiddle too much with it.

I did a bit more digging with regards to the teaching programme offered by the NSW Govt, and it actually goes for 18 months, mainly by correspondence FULL TIME. Now course fees are paid by the government, and they also give you a cash advance of $1.5K, which isn't a lot really. I'd still have to work to some extent to keep me going, although not having to pay the course fees is always a plus. BUT I could do just 1 year full time by going the Catholic System, at a university that's fairly close (Strathfield). The other advantage of the public scholarship so to speak is that I'm guaranteed employment at the end of it, for 3 years... minimum. It also means that I get randomly assigned to a school though, and have to stay there for 3 years. I'm not so much fussed about that, cos I quite like the idea of staying around in one place for a long time- becoming part of the furniture and whatnot.

There was something else I was going to write, but can't think of it.

Currently I'm really craving things like dark chocolate, hamburgers, chips, or a salad with lots of avocado fresh roll... something fatty I suppose.

Hasn't it been warm?! I'm really looking forward to the weekend- I think I have heaps of things on, none of them involving work ;-)

supercallerfragilistic-expiallidocious

2004-10-13T09:55:00.001+10:00

Think you have a better way of spelling it? Post it, or send it to me as a message :P

Anyway, I've been having a great week. I went swimming again on Saturday with the kids and A and spoilt it all by having a burger and chips for lunch. Still, it's lovely being in the water. I think I might go swimming tomorrow as well.

I'm at Chatswood today with work, which is good because 1) it means I'll do some work and 2) it's airconditioned and it's sooo hot! My room at home gets the sun basically all day and becomes a sauna, and there isn't enough power coming through my room to run the airconditioner and the computer.

Dad's fixing this, he had an electrician come out last week and he is hoping to get this new type of ports which should only be used for computer devices. It should free up the other powerpoints for normal use.

I saw Shaun of the Dead last weekend- it was absolutely hilarious- definitely keen to see it again. It was a convincing drama, love story and zombie movie all in one, in typical British style. It was great to see Dylan Moran (Bernard Black from Black Books), his friend Fran (Tamsin Grieg), Mariah Lucas from Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth version) and the mother was Mrs. Hamley from Wives and Daughters.

Funny, thinking of pools has made everything smell like chlorine. That's the one bit I don't like about the pools- they are so over chlorinated that after about 30 mins I feel too icky to continue on. Of course, after 30 mins of doing laps, I'm pretty much konked out anyway ;-)

I have Front of House at the theatre this Friday, and I might have lunch with G and A and Chris that afternoon, then do some shopping, and then go off to the theatre (after a few drinks of course- in true theatre style). I might even go back to the good old Japanese restaurant that I used to frequent when I was ASM.

Back to work for me...

Bushwalking

2004-10-05T20:13:00.000+10:00

I'm just plain exhausted- emotionally, physically and mentally. I went to Otford today to do the bushwalk to Garie Beach. Now I know it's only 7-8km, but it was so hard in the last 1km where we had to clamber around on rocks. My ankles are killing me and my head just exploded when I was halfway up one of those large hills. Still, it was a good day. The kids seemed to love it so much, it made it all worthwhile. I'm so happy that these kids are getting along and really enjoying themselves. We've got heaps of ideas for more social activities and lazying on the beach afterwards was great. I drove over 100km today though- back and forth from the starting point to Garie Beach, to Wotamalla, to Garie, to the starting point, etc. It was just exhausting at the end. It was great in the middle- I was really enjoying it. The beach just needed to be a bit closer. There was one year 8 girl who was just such a drain. Poor Nathan should be canonised just for his patience with her today. She wouldn't stop talking and complaining in a really loud voice, and she attached herself to me, who was struggling physically and with my headache and she would ask the exact same question over and over again and then whinge about it.

I got to see Chris from my senior high again as well- he seems to be going well, and we caught up a bit. All those boys are so fit, it's really scary. But then when one of them made it into the highest level of U16 rugby and the other is in the state baseball, you'd kind of expect it. It's crazy how many hours they go to practice. I even managed to convince a few of them to join the choir and we're all keen to have a DDR and SingStar sing off. I think I'll organise a console day with the PS2 and the N64.

Umm... that's about it. I'm really dead tired, and hopefully I'll get a great night's sleep tonight and stop being an insomniac.

I've got physio tomorrow, and I'd love to go into the City with my family and meet up with my brother for lunch, but I really should do some work. Funny how the last 2 months I've been working non-stop, and now the work has gone on a bit of a lull. I'm thankful for it though. If it lasts another week, I'm going away on holidays somewhere...

The cockroach won't die

2004-10-04T22:25:00.000+10:00

Hello happy campers! This is your host for this evening, sojourn. Who technically isn't on a sojourn at the moment, but plans to be in the next millenium.

I have some quotes for you puppies to ignore as with the rest of this message!

Never was anything at once so frail and so indomitable. A mere reed she feels in my hand! I could bend her with my finger and thumb: and what good would it do if I bent, if I uptore, if I crushed her? Consider that eye: consider the resolute, wild, free thing looking out of it, defying me, with more than courage- with a stern triumph. Whatever I do with its cage, I cannot get at it- the savage beautiful creature! If I tear, if I rend the slight prison, my outrage will only let the captive loose. Conqueror I might be of the house; but the inmate would escape to Heaven before I could call myself possessor of its clay dwelling- place. And it is you, spirit- with will and energy, and virtue and purity- that I want: not alone your brittle frame. Of yourself, you could come with soft flight and nestle against my heart, if you would: seized against your will you will elude the grasp like an essence- you will vanish ere I inhale your fragrance.
Rochester to Jane in Jane Eyre

After all that is bewitching in the idea of one's happiness entirely depending on one person, it is not always possible.. we must accept -- Sense and Sensibility

Always resignation and acceptance, always prudence, and honour, and duty.. Elinor- where is your heart? -- Sense and Sensibility

Warm day today.

The cockroach in my room won't die. I keep finding it in new places. Why won't it die??

Hiking tomorrow. It's going to be equal amounts pleasure (scenery, walking, people) and equal amounts pain.

Got to get some sleep now!

Sleep. Now.

Through With You

2004-10-03T22:18:00.000+10:00

Well, I don't really have anything much to say, I'm just bored and waiting for my sleeping tablet to take effect. For those who haven't been listening to me whine, I'm currently suffering from insomnia. It takes me hours to get to sleep, the sleep I do get is painfully restless, so I wake up more tired than when I fell asleep. I don't have any really strong sleeping tablets and I'd just like to be knocked out for about 3 days. I'm currently having just herbal tablets, which sometimes work and sometimes don't.

I went for a swim at the pools yesterday- it was great. I miss the water so much. I'm going to make it a bi-weekly habit if I can manage it between work. I was also talking to Chito and Phil the other day and they're both keen to move out. I don't particularly want to move out with them (sorry guys), but I had also been looking at places to rent. Ideally I want to move out by myself, but I don't think I have the money for that luxury. On the other hand, I don't necessarily have the luxury of finding someone to move out with. In any case, I'm sure I'll be still at home until I get back from England at least.

Yes, I'm definitely going. I'm just waiting on K to reply to my last email and to know which flight to book, etc. Perhaps when I come back from being my own person for about a month, home will be too cloying, and so I'll start a complete new life: changed career as well as different neighbourhood. That's the plan anyway.

I saw Alien Vs Predator with Chito and Phil last night. It was quite a good night. I got to eat roast duck laksa which was very yumicious (new word for me), and then some gelato. I tried the new Cointreau flavour- not really worth it kids. AvP was just a lot of fun- great to sit at the back and smile in memory, roll your eyes and just admire the Predator. I've always liked Predator, so having him around again was great I thought. The plot wasn't anything great, but then again, it wasn't wholly bad either. We all tried to guess how many humans would survive, and we were all wrong! Good night out. I was a bit exhausted, but that's me lately, so at least I was exhausted and doing something enjoyable. Thanks phil for talking me into it (not that he ever reads this anyway...).

Today was really quite good, apart from crampness in the car. Two of my cousins' (the one who's husband recently died) children had their birthday's last week, so we all went up to my Aunt's new house in Katoomba. It's a gorgeous old house- 5 bedrooms I believe. There is a veranda encircling half of the house and the yard outside is lovely. I took it upon myself to be the designated child-minderer. I couldn't really sit with the "adults" much more than I did cos I wasn't really in the mood to socialise. There was a family of 7 (although the two eldest weren't there), and the last two were twins- they were about 9 months. They were so gorgeous. One of them fell asleep in my arms after sitting with me and just being a very happy baby along with his brother and my cousins' youngest who turned 1 today. Unfortunately I got a lot of "are you getting clucky?" comments from my aunts and uncles, but it was the price I paid for sitting apart on a rug in the middle of the garden surrounded by little ones. For some reason, that memory is making me feel very sad.

Bed time. Good night.

Perception Twin

2004-10-01T22:00:00.000+10:00

Louisa came over last night and we watched The Count of Monte Cristo (the more recent adaptation) together. It was great- exactly what I needed to take my mind off work and other worries. We shall have to do it more often.

After a very sleepless night (couldn't get to sleep until after 4am), I finally finished the data loading that I've been doing day and night for 3 days. This afternoon I took Maryann to see Suddenly 30. I thought it was quite nice. Jennifer Garner, who I usually don't like, was quite good in it, and almost pretty in some shots. Still don't like her chin, but she has fantastic dimples!! Mary really enjoyed it, and it was nice to get out of the house, albeit for a few hours.

It's Friday night and I spent it putting together all my photos into photo albums. Boring I know, but I had nothing else to do and I really needed to do it. So when you're next over, ask about my photos and I'll show you. I finally got around to organising my Cruise photos (from Feb!) as well!

It's been very rainy which is good, although I'm glad I didn't have to be out and about in it. I'm not sure what I'll be doing tomorrow, nor if it's going to be a nice day. Sunday sees me visit some relatives at Katoomba. Monday is a public holiday, but I think I'll work through it because Tuesday is our youth group's bushwalk! That should be interesting, tiring and hot! Still I'm looking forward to it.

Well, that's pretty much it from me. I've been very boring lately.

The Reason 2

2004-09-29T21:20:00.000+10:00

This time I have lyrics. I really like them. I don't know whether they are sad or uplifting. I've decided that they're melancholy in any case.

It's the Archangels' Feast Day today (Michael, Gabriel and Raphael). Michelle being the feminine form of Michael, means it's my name feast day today. I didn't really celebrate it, although mum and dad wished me happy name day. I know a family with 3 of the boys named Miguel, Gabriel and Raphael, so I hope they're having a great day today!

The Reason, Hoobastank
i'm not a perfect person. theres many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt you, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
i'm not a perfect person , i never ment to do those things to you, and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know ..
i found a reason for me to change who i used to be, a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
i found a reason to show the side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do and the reason is you

Wait For Me

2004-09-28T13:53:00.000+10:00

I don't really have anything to say, so here's a song that I'm listening to on repeat.

Flaw - Wait For Me Lyrics
All these miles, haunting questions linger in my mind.
And all the while, making bad decisions out of line.
Still I've tried, to let go of the danger in my life.
It's alright, when that's the only thing I've left behind.
And there's still time...

Wait for me. There's so much more of life for us to see.
You must believe, it's not because of you I've had to leave.
Wait for me. I only hope that you'll remember me.

At this time, I'm counting all the reasons I should stay.
Bottom line. I'm missing all the things I gave away.
I remind, and see your face every single day.
Still I'm blind. I wish that there was something I could say
To make things right...

Wait for me. There's so much more of life for us to see.
You must believe, it's not because of you I've had to leave.
Wait for me. I only hope that you'll remember me.

Just hold on a little bit longer.
Thoughts and memories will be enough
My need for you is only growing stronger.
I know you don't understand it much
But it doesn't mean I have to care about you any less
It doesn't have a thing to do with that.
There's still so many questions that are gonna' be addressed
I'm sorry that it had to be like this.
But there's still time to make things right.

Wait for me. There's so much more of life for us to see.
You must believe, it's not because of you I've had to leave.
Wait for me. I only hope that you'll remember me.

The Reason

2004-09-23T19:15:00.000+10:00

I like Hoobastank's second album, as much as I liked the first one. I haven't bought it yet however. I did go out and buy the Maroon 5 Songs About Jane, which I found really depressing the other day driving to Chatswood and back. I also bought the new Tea Party Seven Circles which I don't like that much- quite disappointing after the first few songs. I did get a free The Tea Party tshirt though, so I suppose that compensates. I got Three Days Grace Three Days Grace which I like a lot!

Yesterday I was driving home from Chatswood, and I was so depressed listening to Maroon 5, which although they are quite boppy, the words are depressing (for me). So I switched to The Tea Party, which after being stuck on Lane Cove Rd for 20 mins, I had to turn off. I switched to Three Days Grace, wound down the window and had a blast- it was such a balmy, but overcast night- my kind of weather!

Today my headache escalated awfully. I spent the afternoon lying in pain on my bed. My mum was great- she spent at least 30 mins massaging my head. I tried everything- lavender bath, cooling down my head, tablets, relaxing music, massaging. I couldn't get rid of it (or at least take the edge off it so I could continue with work). It finally calmed down around 6pm, but I'm feeling very drained, so unfortunately not a full day of work for me. I still managed to get quite a lot done in the morning, and I'll simply have to work harder tomorrow. It's funny, cos I still have the pain "fingerprints". Hopefully a good sleep tonight will get rid of the rest of it for a few more weeks. It must've been all the additional stress lately and lack of proper sleep. My eyes have been quite sore- not sure if it's sleep deprivation or too much computer or what. Perhaps I should start wearing my glasses again when I'm on the computer. I might give it a trial period.

I finally finished my letter to Mims and I'm hoping to post it tomorrow. I've also nearly finished the first season of Black Books and almost finished reading the Forsyte Saga.

I had planned to go to the Genesian to see A Lion in Winter on member's night (tomorrow), but I'm not sure now because it's supposedly almost booked out, and I don't particularly want to drive all the way in to find that I can't get a seat. Might have to give it a miss and wait for another week.

I updated my webcam picture to one I took at Easter this year. The blue hippo (which I've named Hipblu) is so cuddly- he was my chief comfort during my pain today.

It's funny how pain puts things into perspective. I'd been quite hurt, angry, annoyed and selfish about some things recently, and spending all afternoon in pain made me forget it all and simply let it go. I hesitate to say whether I think I should have more pain more often just so I can learn how to let go quicker.

I think I might go play RoN and see if I can't overtake someone else's country. I think I need a break from constant reading. Plus to waste a few hours before I can safely go to bed and fall asleep :)

The Sun

2004-09-19T18:32:00.000+10:00

I've become a Maroon 5 fan. It's not really my sort of music, but I'm really enjoying it. Kudos to G for introducing me to it. I shall be buying the CD next time I'm near a CD shop :) I've been resorting to actually dancing in my room (by myself obviously!). I still remember quite a few moves since my dancing days (jazz, tap, ballet and then aerobics in high school)... hehe not that I did a lot of it :P

I've had quite a bit of sleep, although the dark rings haven't left under my eyes. At least my eyes aren't stinging all day like they did yesterday. I watched The Forsyte Saga in it's entirety over the weekend as well- depressing, great and just nice to sit and watch something without having to be sitting at the computer. I also played Conquer the World in RoN, and am going relatively well (topping the score boards).

I'm off to my youth group core meeting tonight, and have another normal group meeting tomorrow. In the school holidays, we're taking the youth group hiking. Luckily Nathan is a skilled hiker and has all these accredidations in whatever hikers need... I'm taking my mobile and telling people where I'm going before we start though :P Ron (our leader) has also decided to go back to America with his wife since his missionary years are over. Which means that tonight we're talking about future direction and leadership of the group. I'm looking at Nathan and Nathan's looking at me :P Tuesday night I'm back at the Parish for the Parish Assembly (like an AGM) and again on Wednesday night for Choir.

I'm off to Chatswood tomorrow as well for work, and I even worked a few hours on the weekend. Not as much as I dreaded, but I wouldn't've been able to be very constructive even if I had a whole heap to do. The hopeless programmer got fired on Friday, and a new guy is starting tomorrow.

I've gotta go for dinner and then my meeting.

Enjoy your week!

Too much to catch up on!

2004-09-17T19:48:00.000+10:00

It's been a long time since my last update. I've been so busy with work- spent Mon and Tues at Chatswood, then Wed at North Sydney in meetings. Thur and Fri were at NTF. My last week there for a while because my normal work has intensified so that I'll be working on it full time for a few weeks. That cold came- it was actually bronchitis, and I think I've now got a normal cold on top of that. I'm feeling very run down and just generally tired.

My birthday dinner with friends was great and I was surprised and overwhelmed by the gifts! I used Shem's candle for a relaxing bath tonight. It's helped me relax, but my headache has come on from sheer exhaustion methinks. This weekend looks depressing with me needing to work and Angus has gone to the snow, so no hugs for me! :(

I think I'll leave this here. I'm really too tired to say anymore.

Achoo!

2004-09-07T22:35:00.000+10:00

I think I'm coming down with a cold/flu. Not sure how because usually I get a cold when I feel chilled and I haven't felt chilled lately. My dad had a throat thing recently though (2 weeks ago), so maybe it's a residual. I'm starting to feel all foggy and my chest is heavy with the pre-sore throat feeling in my throat. Not good since I've got lots of work and had lots of plans for this week!

I think I'm going to go to bed soon.

Oooh! I watched the first 2 episodes of Black Books- very very funny. Bernard is such a whacky guy. I might snuggle into bed right now and watch the third episode.

Good night!

My Eyes Hurt

2004-09-06T18:07:00.000+10:00

I've been so sleepy and tired all day. I didn't get hardly any work done! My sister was home from school and we played a game of Rise of Nations, which she quit halfway through because she was losing. It was her and a computer versus me. It was quite a challenge because the computer was quite strong and kept repelling my attack against his capital. I also wasn't playing sudden death capital, otherwise I would've won heaps earlier!

I made dinner tonight and of course, used onion, so that's another reason why my eyes are hurting at the moment. The main reason, being I was just tired from lack of sleep over the weekend. I had such a good weekend though! After work on Friday, I met up with friends and went to Blue Olive for dinner. The pizzas were very nice I thought and it was pleasant sitting around with friends. Gaby left for England and France on Saturday night, so this was her farewell dinner. We got to chat about The Forsythe Saga which was really enjoyable. I miss chatting with people about books.

After dinner, Yuki had her 21st cocktail party at The Roof Bar at SkyGardens. That was pretty good too. The cocktails weren't too bad (the two I tried), and there wasn't music to drown out what people were saying. I got a chance to thank Christian for all his help with the extra work at NTF that I've been doing, by buying him a JD & coke- his all time favourite drink. Yuki enjoyed herself, so that's good.

I got home very late that night (or next morning) and only slept in til about 8:30 cos it was my birthday, and we spent the morning just lazing around. Gus and I played DDR and I got him to watch an old home video of when Mary was a baby. It was quite funny. I sound awful on video, and looked so young! Then we picked up G & Bek from the station, and had a HUGE lunch! mmm pumpkin soup and spit roast beef with vegies. Then lemon meringue pie for dessert and a chocolate cake for my birthday cake. We also played a family game of Scrutineyes, which my mum won (as usual). I came third. G had brought over all his latest CDs that I alcoholed and then ripped into wmv. I'm listening to them now. Not too bad from what I've heard already. The CDs were:

Flaw, Endangered Species

Three Days Grace, Three Days Grace

The Punisher Soundtrack

Maroon 5, Songs About Jane

Hoobastank, The Reason

Drowning Pool, Desensitized

He also said that The Tea Party is coming out with a new album. I might go to HMV sometime soon and spend a bit of the money I've earnt from NTF.

G & Bek gave me season 1 of Black Books, which I'm told is about a book shop owner who loves his books and hates his customers (because they're buying his books). I've heard good things about it from the Dwiggies, so I'm looking forward to having some time and watching it :)

I got my new jeans that mum and I shopped for the other day- that was great. They are so much nicer than my holey, old pair.

Anyway, that night, Angus took me back to his place, since we were too full to eat dinner. We watched some more of B5 (we've only got a few more eps of season 5 to go!!) and Pitch Black, so we're now ready to watch Riddick. Which is probably finished at the cinemas now! hehe just my luck!

The next morning we had a big breakfast at Angus' dad's place, then drove to my grandparents place for afternoon tea. Then off to soccer and dinner. We had to pike on the movie because we were both very tired and drove through a hail storm! It was very cool, but annoying when driving. Angus had to drive like Mr. Magoo to see out the windscreen. I waited around at his place until it passed to drive home. There was a lot of ice on the road, and a lot of the grass was covered in white. It looked very nice. I nearly fell asleep (again) on the way home. So I had a really big sleep in this morning. I dreamt I was back at Payless Shoes and there was a consipracy of actors and the communist party for WWII? It was bizarre! But I found 2 pairs of really nice shoes that fit, were comfortable and cheap!! :D

I've gotta go to dinner, then a meeting. I'll try to post any other tidbits tomorrow.

The Outsider

2004-08-31T19:13:00.000+10:00

I've gone back to listening to A Perfect Circle's Thirteenth Step. It's just such a good beat, melodic, a lot of bass and some cool lyrics with harmony.

Today was a busy day! I went to the physio in the morning after dropping my mum off at a friend's house. We then met up afterwards to go shopping for a birthday present for me. I really need jeans, and we found 2 pairs of jeans that looked nice and fit! I was so happy :D We went to DFO which has been successfully closed down by the Westfields corporation due to their whinging to the government and taking it to court and winning on a technicality. I felt so sorry for all the shop owners whose fault it wasn't that the council didn't change the zoning level for the complex. Most of the shops were closed, but the few that were open were selling all their stuff really cheaply. Mum got heaps of little knick-knacks and little presents for my little cousins' birthdays. I also picked up a pair of slinky track pants to wear around the house, and a blue hippopotamus pajama holder (not that I'd use him to hold my multi-layered pjs for winter :P). I also bought some nice photo frames to put some photos up properly, and some plain black photo frames that I'm thinking of decorating and giving as presents to people.

We then came home for a quick lunch before I had to go to Louisa's house to help her finalise her assignment (powerpoint presentation) and she also got me to read over her CV and letter of introduction for a job she was hoping to go for. I gave her an invitation to my dinner which she has accepted, so that's good :D.

I was just settling down to writing this when my dad wanted me to help him. Why is it that everyone wants your help all at the one time? I don't mind helping people- I actually enjoy it. But my day today and the last few weeks have been full of helping people and I haven't gotten much of anything I've needed to do done! My dad is currently substitute Mathematics Head Teacher at his school, and they want him to write up this CV type document of how great he is. He can't stand doing it, but he makes it even more painful for me, who has to type by dictation because, instead of writing out all these points on paper and then handing them to me to type up. He comes in with all these notes, mainly "mind maps", and then proceeds to spend 2 minutes deciding on the wording for a particular point. It's so frustrating since he adds a few more words every few seconds and I can't get anything done for myself in between. If it were just a few pages, fine. But we're currently up to point 4, and it's already 6 pages!

Hi to everyone who reads this! I have recently discovered that more than I thought actually did which is great :D I missed out on putting a spoiler warning for those who haven't seen The Bourne Supremacy and wanted to unspoilt. So if you haven't read my previous post yet, be warned that there are SPOILERS! (sorry chito)

At the physio today, whilst I was getting my heat treatment with those electronic buzzy things, a car outside smashed into a parked truck- quite badly. The driver (luckily the only person in the car), got out and ran off. There was a lot of speculation as to why he did it. Supposedly he left his wallet and everything in the car when he ran off, which leads me to believe: was it really his wallet? Only time will tell- I shall have to remember to ask when I'm next at the physio. I'm still trying to puzzle how he managed to smash into the truck, since it was a two lane, major road in Liverpool. Of course, he could have been on drugs/alcohol. Bizarre.

Parking around Liverpool is such a pain. Every time, no matter if it's in the middle of the day or in the morning, no matter which week day it is, there is no parking!! I always end up spending 20 minutes desperately trying to find parking on the street or in the council free parking (for 3 hours) until I get fed up and succumb to parking at Westfields. I never go over the first 3 hours free limit, but it's a bit of a hike PLUS I don't like Westfields Liverpool.

I'm currently looking through an IKEA catalogue because I've been thinking of renovating my room. Atm I've got a big corner desk that I never use AS a desk that is piled with books and videos. My entire room is just full of stuff and I'd like to have an uncluttered room. But apart from removing my bed, I really can't see how I'm going to do this. My brother in his old room ran out of space so badly he couldn't use his bed for sleeping. I don't want to get to that stage. Everything would be easier if I just found a place to move out into and grow from there :P Need a steady income and more of it though! (sorry- I'm perpetually talking about this, but have you seen my ROOM!?!).

Here are some photos of me and/or my latest and greatest addition to my room:

Too much work

2004-08-30T12:17:00.000+10:00

In an odd twist of fate, I seem to be inundated with work from people. A few weeks ago I was starting to worry that perhaps I would run out of contracting work in a few months' time. Last week, after accepting to go back to NTF to help them out with a few things, I have an increased CCC work and some other tid-bits on the side (eg: reading through documentation, doing some usability testing). On top of this, this month is likely to be frought with social engagements. All in all, it makes this little girl a very busy one.

The most distressing thing about it is, I don't actually feel like working at all atm! :P

I've spent the last two weeks doing 2 days at NTF. At first, it was quite nice to be back there and working in the city. Last week it all changed- it went back to the "this is why I quit" atmosphere. I went in last week thinking that I would be doing more of the stuff I was last time- helping out people with files, restructuring the LAN, helping people with what had gone before at NTF. Instead, I find that I'm developing a new application and fixing up an old. Development work? At NTF? That's why I quit (cos there wasn't any)! Anyway, after my initial pleasure in coding again, I find a lot of problems. Namely the tight schedule and the completely new/different way of coding. Thursday was spent trying to get .NET working plus installing a few programs on the machine that I had been given. The machine just simply didn't like .NET Framework 1.1. That was the first day gone, and I only did a little bit of researching up on some ADO.NET components, copied a database to use as a test bed, installed a version of Vault (source safe control) and got .NET working.

Friday I got one of the new pages written with the DataTable and strongly-typed data controls working which was frustrating cos I needed to get more done. At the end of the day, I ask when the particular website is due up, and don't get anything more than a "yes, well, it's a tight deadline". What does that mean?! Talking to the other ex-employee who wrote the initial software, it means THIS upcoming Friday (3rd Sep). There is no way in hell I'm going to get it done by then. I'm still confused by the database structure and how it all ties in together (it's basically a choice model engine). Of course, if the original coder and designer could be there, it would be a lot easier, but NTF in their management craziness picked the week before and after he moved from NSW to QLD PERMANENTLY. They aren't very bright cookies are they?

So I was slightly stressed and oh-so-glad it was Friday. Friday night we met up with Cally, Mark, Gaby and Daphne for an Italian meal at The Forum (Il Duomo) and then they went to see the Scriptless impromptu heat, and Angus and I went to see the Bourne Supremacy. I must admit I was pleasantly surprised by it. I didn't like the Bourne Identity that much (contrary to popular opinions)- I foudn that it was all just one big car chase scene, and the ending was so stupid, I couldn't stop giggling for 30 mins afterwards. But the Bourne Supremacy was very good. The plot wasn't anything surprising, but then, nothing really surprises me anymore these days. It was a typical spy sequel type of movie- the girl from the last movie dies early on, instilling the drive for revenge in the protagonist. We have the different types of chases- in the car, on foot, in the water, etc. We have the protagonist being super-human in endurance, through pain, with intelligence and using gadgets. All that said, it was well executed, and although not a huge Matt Damon fan, I think he did well. The car chase scenes are quite interesting and well done, even for me a "car chase scenes are utterly boring" type of person :)

Saturday morning was a lazy morning where I didn't get up until I was too hungry to lie in bed anymore. Angus, having recently got off his motorcycle Ps (meaning he could take a passenger) and having bought a second helmet, thought it a great idea that we drive to La Deliziosa (cafe at Five Dock) on the bike for brunch. Let me just say, I'm a super cautious, low risk kind of person. I don't like swinging too high on a swing. I reasoned that heaps of people ride on motorcycles without injuring themselves (and quickly shut up the thought that heaps of people ride AND get injured also). I trust Angus, so that wasn't a problem. Also if worst came to worst, I could jump of the bike at the traffic lights and run away. I also knew he really wanted to take me for a proper ride.

I was absolutely petrified. The first 10 minutes I hated it- it was awful- the high-swinging sensation in your stomach that I couldn't stand, the uncertainty of where I was going, the clinging on (what would happen if I suddenly let go?), the turning corners sensation of leaning and balancing (I can't ride a normal bike cos my balance is so screwed). I hated it. There was a point where I had the option of turning around and going home, and I was so tempted to take it. But I took a deep breath, thought of his disappointment then, and tried not to worry so much.

In the end (after we took the super long way to get to Five Dock- wasn't very impressed about that (he said it was the scenic route)), I didn't love it. I still don't like it that much and I'm still quite worried about getting on, but I got used to the riding, and was getting a bit better at when I should lean with him, when I should not lean at all, and when I should lean the opposite way. I'll do it again, but not all the time.

After that harrowing, but different, experience, we got some computer parts so that my computer will stop overheating and crashing. The Volcano CPU fan came with a toggle at the front to turn the fan up and down which is a lot of fun. When it's up high, it's very noisy but down low it's not too bad. My computer went from averaging 65 degrees (C) without doing anything much, to 41 degrees (C). And I can play RoN without it crashing. I'm very happy.

Sunday I played RoN, watched Mystery Men with the family and then The Japanese Story in the night. I love Mystery Men- it's corny, it's silly but it's great. My Dad loved The Spleen. Japanese Story was kinda strange- not really what I was expecting. I cried a bit at the end- I thought it was sad. I don't think I'd buy it on DVD, or watch it again though. Definitely one that was good to watch, but no lasting impression really.

Anyway, I've just spent 30 mins getting out of doing work, so I really should get back to it. I really want to go to sleep- I'm feeling so tired lately. I really want to clean my room though. And I mean clean: going through all my drawers, cupboards, book shelves and throwing things out! I want to have a few drawers absolutely empty and some space to rearrange some furniture.

I have so many things to do, and then so many things I want to do. I also have a lot of things to look forward to- Yuki's birthday drinks on Friday, my family lunch on Saturday, a big friends' dinner on the Saturday after that, etc. :D

Seeing red

2004-08-24T15:17:00.000+10:00

I'm a bit annoyed by this topic: Seeing red (not purple) re: education. Not so much at the post itself, but the link within it, namely that teachers are using purple (or at least non-red) pens so as not to "emotionally scar" the children. This is just plain stupid, and if you read the post, you'll see my lengthy and possibly overly-harsh whinge about it ("Michelle Ann") as a comment underneath.

It's almost as stupid as the person who posted that her romantic view of the regency era was smashed by watching The Regency House reality TV show. *snort* As if that has any claim to authenticity. Although, I must admit that the person does seem relatively naive when it comes to people being people and people being nasty/dishonest/licentious throughout the ages. It irks me.

Anyways, there was something I've been remembering to write about all day for my blog, but I don't know what it is anymore.

After last night's powerpoint session with Louisa, I spent an hour this morning coming up with some of my own templates that I liked. It seems anything goes today to stop me from reading all the notes for tomorrow's work meeting. But I really need to read the notes!!

I also bumped into a friend when picking my sister up from school today, and she recommended her accountant, so I have to give him a ring sometime and get my tax done. I'm sick of thinking about it, so I'll be happy to pass it off to someone else so I don't have to worry about it.

I'm making dinner tonight, and I'm going to try something that Louisa made last night- an Italian dish. The recipe is:

Louisa's Tomato and Tuna Pasta (as remembered by me)

Ingredients
Olive oil
1 tin of tuna
5 tomatoes, diced
1 garlic clove, crushed
1/2 spanish onion, diced
pinch of oregano
spiral pasta

Directions
1. Boil water in a pot and add pasta and salt.
2. Put olive oil and onions in a frying pan
3. Add tomatoes and cook until soft
4. Add pinch of oregano and let simmer for 5 minutes
5. Add the tin of tuna and finally the garlic
6. Drain the pasta and combine half of the sauce with the pasta
7. Put on plate and place the remaining sauce over the top of the pasta.

Serves 2-3.

We (angus, bunny and I) had a great night with out webcams last night- we each had a MSN session open to the other and made faces, showed off things on our desks and in our rooms. It was silly and funny to watch the other person. Bunny had cut her hair and had it blow-dried straight which looked good. We also showed each other our knitting. Her scarf is so long now! My mum came in to say goodnight to me, when I was webcamming with Bunny, and she was webcamming with Scott and a few other people at the same time. I said to my mum, that that was bunny my friend, and at that moment bunny stuck her finger up at scott (which came through as if she was doing it to my mum). It was hilarious- what great timing :P Bunny's webcam is better than mine, but it's also just new- I've had mine (and not really used it) for about 2 years now.

Tonight, if I get all this work reading done, I want to try playing RoN. Angus ordered the computer parts for me, but they're gonna take a few weeks to be delivered and then put into my machine.

I've been exercising my arm- especially my bicep and quads and hopefully my arm will be back to it's super-human strength in no time :)